IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, a vast majority of
people
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 have suffered overweight. Many
individuals
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 claim that to solve a problem is to elevate the
price
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 of
fat-contained
Correct your spelling
fat-containing
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foods
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.
However
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,
this
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 tendency has a detrimental impact on the economy, I mostly disagree that increasing prices can deter
people
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 from consuming unhealthy
food
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.
Admiteddly
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Admittedly
, increased prices of fattening
foods
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 play an essential role in order to grapple with a problem. A major reason is that
this
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 phenomenon incentivizes
people
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 to healthier
food
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 choices. If they become intake
natural
Change the word
naturally
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 eatable, they will be healthier.
For instance
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, in Finland,
individuals
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 tend to consume more nutrition-rich
food
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 because of the expensive cost of fast
food
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.
However
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,
this
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 tendency has a devastating impact on low-income families.
This
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 means that
individuals
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 who rely on cheaper, fatty
foods
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 to meet their regular diet face financial instability.
Therefore
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, an increase in the
price
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 of fast
food
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 has not always lasting effect on the country.
Additionally
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, the proponents of the view against an increase in the
price
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 of junk
food
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 suggest that it affects negatively
on
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apply
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the
food
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 industry. One of the obvious reasons is that
selling
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the selling
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 of fattening
foods
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 in fast
food
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 restaurants might decline owing to lower demand. As long as these businesses are able to experience a significant decrease in their income, they will pay little money to the country.
Hence
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, it has a profound impact on not only fast-
food
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 chains but
also
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 the budget of the country.
Furthermore
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, the authorities could implement some precautions rather than raising the
price
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 of fattening nutrients. As an example, in Turkey, advertising has been used to promote
individuals
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 which leads to mitigation of the overweight rate.
Therefore
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, other solutions can help
people
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 to grapple with obesity. In conclusion,
while
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 a growth in the
price
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 of fatting nourishment could encourage
individuals
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 to healthier ones, I am of the opinion that
this
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 pattern has a profound influence on not only society but
also
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 the economy.
Hence
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, there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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better options in order to
encounter
Verb problem
avoid
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a
Remove the article
apply
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obesity,
such
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 as raising public
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To achieve a higher score, consider organizing your ideas more clearly. Use clear topic sentences and provide smoother transitions between paragraphs. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure all ideas are comprehensive and clearly articulated. Avoid ambiguity in your argument to ensure that your ideas are easily understood by the reader.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments and thoroughly address each aspect of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and provide closure to your response.
Task Achievement
You offer some valid arguments against increasing the cost of fattening foods and consider alternative solutions, which adds depth to your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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