More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently, a vast majority of
people
have suffered overweight. Many individuals
claim that to solve a problem is to elevate the price
of fat-contained
Correct your spelling
fat-containing
foods
. However
, this
tendency has a detrimental impact on the economy, I mostly disagree that increasing prices can deter people
from consuming unhealthy food
.
Admiteddly
, increased prices of fattening Correct your spelling
Admittedly
foods
play an essential role in order to grapple with a problem. A major reason is that this
phenomenon incentivizes people
to healthier food
choices. If they become intake natural
eatable, they will be healthier. Change the word
naturally
For instance
, in Finland, individuals
tend to consume more nutrition-rich food
because of the expensive cost of fast food
. However
, this
tendency has a devastating impact on low-income families. This
means that individuals
who rely on cheaper, fatty foods
to meet their regular diet face financial instability. Therefore
, an increase in the price
of fast food
has not always lasting effect on the country.
Additionally
, the proponents of the view against an increase in the price
of junk food
suggest that it affects negatively on
the Change preposition
apply
food
industry. One of the obvious reasons is that selling
of fattening Correct article usage
the selling
foods
in fast food
restaurants might decline owing to lower demand. As long as these businesses are able to experience a significant decrease in their income, they will pay little money to the country. Hence
, it has a profound impact on not only fast-food
chains but also
the budget of the country. Furthermore
, the authorities could implement some precautions rather than raising the price
of fattening nutrients. As an example, in Turkey, advertising has been used to promote individuals
which leads to mitigation of the overweight rate. Therefore
, other solutions can help people
to grapple with obesity.
In conclusion, while
a growth in the price
of fatting nourishment could encourage individuals
to healthier ones, I am of the opinion that this
pattern has a profound influence on not only society but also
the economy. Hence
, there are the
better options in order to Correct article usage
apply
encounter
Verb problem
avoid
a
obesity, Remove the article
apply
such
as raising public awereness
.Correct your spelling
awareness
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To achieve a higher score, consider organizing your ideas more clearly. Use clear topic sentences and provide smoother transitions between paragraphs. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure all ideas are comprehensive and clearly articulated. Avoid ambiguity in your argument to ensure that your ideas are easily understood by the reader.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments and thoroughly address each aspect of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and provide closure to your response.
Task Achievement
You offer some valid arguments against increasing the cost of fattening foods and consider alternative solutions, which adds depth to your discussion.
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