IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #students #government #money #time #activities #people
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These days, a lot of attention is given
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
study
Replace the word
studies
show examples
.
However
, some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government money should be used
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some kind of activities for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.
Consequently
, I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 that young people should have more leisure
time
 to relax
instead
 of dedicating all their
time
 solely to studying.
To begin
 with, in recent years, teaching in various educational institutions has greatly increased. To get into some prestigious building
such
 as
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 teenagers should
study
 very
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
,
however
, not everyone can afford it.
For instance
, if youth will
study
 for some hours in a day
then
 they will easily have some
healy
Correct your spelling
health
 issues, like immunity will drop rapidly.
Therefore
, having some free
time
 to relax is very important for youths. What is more, the states should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more money on some free
time
 activities for students. Having more spare
time
 for some kind of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities or for sleeping is pretty good for the body and for the brain.
For example
, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 reduces the number of hours
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on education, people may become more productive and patient
due to
 the decreased stress level. Taking everything into consideration, the government should pay equal attention to students' free
time
 and their ability to
study
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that each main idea or argument is clearly and comprehensively developed. Adding more depth or explanation to each point will improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking the paragraphs more explicitly to demonstrate progression and cohesion between different ideas or sections of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of education while arguing for free-time activities.
coherence cohesion
Your main arguments are distinct and organized logically throughout the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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