Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #students #government #money #time #activities #people

These days, a lot of attention is given

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

students

Change noun form

student's

students'

show examples

study

Replace the word

studies

show examples

However

, some people believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

government money should be used

Change preposition

for

show examples

some kind of activities for

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation.

Consequently

, I

am agree

Change the verb form

agree

show examples

that young people should have more leisure

time

to relax

instead

of dedicating all their

time

solely to studying.

To begin

with, in recent years, teaching in various educational institutions has greatly increased. To get into some prestigious building

such

university

Correct article usage

a university

show examples

teenagers should

study

very

hardly

Change the word

hard

show examples

however

, not everyone can afford it.

For instance

, if youth will

study

for some hours in a day

then

they will easily have some

healy

Correct your spelling

health

issues, like immunity will drop rapidly.

Therefore

, having some free

time

to relax is very important for youths. What is more, the states should

spent

Change the verb form

spend

show examples

more money on some free

time

activities for students. Having more spare

time

for some kind of

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

activities or for sleeping is pretty good for the body and for the brain.

For example

, if

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

reduces the number of hours

spend

Wrong verb form

spent

show examples

on education, people may become more productive and patient

due to

the decreased stress level. Taking everything into consideration, the government should pay equal attention to students' free

time

and their ability to

study

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Thu Nov 21 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your points more convincing.

task achievement

Ensure that each main idea or argument is clearly and comprehensively developed. Adding more depth or explanation to each point will improve clarity.

coherence cohesion

Consider linking the paragraphs more explicitly to demonstrate progression and cohesion between different ideas or sections of your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your main points.

coherence cohesion

You have presented a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of education while arguing for free-time activities.

coherence cohesion

Your main arguments are distinct and organized logically throughout the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that professionals , such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuess both these views and give your opinion.

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

Most school offers some type of physical education program to their students. Why is it important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?