Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

#phones #effects

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Nowadays, mobile

phones

are very important for

every one

Replace the word

everyone

show examples

. If

some one

Correct your spelling

someone

show examples

took it from our hand, we would not do anything without it.

On the other hand

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

are so many effects

positively

Change the word

positive

show examples

and

negatively

Change the word

negative

show examples

This

essay is going to mention about the mobile's benefits. All of the studies

are shown

Wrong verb form

show

show examples

that mobiles or devices of

tecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

are very useful and they provide us

lots

Change preposition

with lots

show examples

of advantages.

Additionaly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, we know that we can do everything with it

such

logining

Correct your spelling

logging

bank account, watching movies,listening

music

Change preposition

to music

show examples

,studying something and

resarching

Correct your spelling

researching

anything. We think that it is a part of our bodies.

Except

Add the preposition

Except for

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

examples, some

aplications

Correct your spelling

applications

have to

being

Change the verb form

show examples

used

via

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

or our work or schools so we need them each time. Of

course

Add a comma

course,

show examples

they have many disadvantages.

For instance

, if we are skimming

reals

Correct your spelling

real

show examples

videos on

instagram

Change the capitalization

Instagram

show examples

we are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

playing games on our

phones

, the world surrounding stopped and we can not hear

any thing

Correct your spelling

anything

show examples

However

, these negative results are

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

in a healthy way. İn conclusion, mobile

phones

have many resources and

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can

Wrong verb form

be shared

show examples

with us every time. The important thing is to use

Change preposition

apply

show examples

control when we want to. Positive effects are always here and mobile

phones

provide amazing world's doors.

Submitted by denizkevser08 on Thu Nov 21 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses the topic and presents an introduction and conclusion. However, it lacks a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. Adding a few more examples or expanding on the mentioned points could help provide a more complete response.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to make your arguments more convincing. For instance, mention specific apps or scenarios where mobile phones have been particularly beneficial or harmful.

coherence cohesion

Consider improving the logical organization of the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea. Make sure the points naturally flow from one to another.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to give it a sense of completeness and structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

206 words

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Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused bu this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Children from age 7-11 now spend more time watching television and/or playing vedio games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problems?