Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

#phones #effects

Nowadays, mobile

phones

are very important for

every one

Replace the word

everyone

show examples

. If

some one

Correct your spelling

someone

show examples

took it from our hand, we would not do anything without it.

On the other hand

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

are so many effects

positively

Change the word

positive

show examples

and

negatively

Change the word

negative

show examples

This

essay is going to mention about the mobile's benefits. All of the studies

are shown

Wrong verb form

show

show examples

that mobiles or devices of

tecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

are very useful and they provide us

lots

Change preposition

with lots

show examples

of advantages.

Additionaly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, we know that we can do everything with it

such

logining

Correct your spelling

logging

bank account, watching movies,listening

music

Change preposition

to music

show examples

,studying something and

resarching

Correct your spelling

researching

anything. We think that it is a part of our bodies.

Except

Add the preposition

Except for

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

examples, some

aplications

Correct your spelling

applications

have to

being

Change the verb form

show examples

used

via

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

or our work or schools so we need them each time. Of

course

Add a comma

course,

show examples

they have many disadvantages.

For instance

, if we are skimming

reals

Correct your spelling

real

show examples

videos on

instagram

Change the capitalization

Instagram

show examples

we are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

playing games on our

phones

, the world surrounding stopped and we can not hear

any thing

Correct your spelling

anything

show examples

However

, these negative results are

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

in a healthy way. İn conclusion, mobile

phones

have many resources and

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can

Wrong verb form

be shared

show examples

with us every time. The important thing is to use

Change preposition

apply

show examples

control when we want to. Positive effects are always here and mobile

phones

provide amazing world's doors.

Submitted by denizkevser08 on Thu Nov 21 2024

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coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by connecting the ideas more explicitly. For instance, after mentioning a benefit of mobile phones, you can smoothly transition to discussing related disadvantages.

task achievement

Expand your examples to provide a more balanced view of the pros and cons of mobile phones. This will help in building a stronger argument.

coherence cohesion

Provide a clear conclusion summarizing your main arguments regarding whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

task achievement

The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, showcasing an understanding of the topic's complexity.

task achievement

Relevant examples are provided, such as the usage of mobile applications for banking and entertainment.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are present, which help to structure the essay overall.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

206 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Cyber insecurity is a rising problem in many countries. What problems does a lack of cyber security cause to Internet users? What solutions can you suggest to solve it?

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

You have just started a course in a college which has no facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of private sports club. In your letter Introduce yourself Say why you are interested in this sportc centre Ask some questions about the club e.g. facilities,members,cost

In the past，many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repair to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? how far is this situation true in your county?