Some think secondary and high school students should be allowed to choose academic courses leading to university or practical courses leading to careers such as carpenters. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people might think that students can choose either academic
courses
or practical
courses
depending on their goals,
whereas
others think that going to university is necessary and
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
need to have academic
courses
. I agree with the idea of deciding what they'd like to do in the future.
However
, I believe they still need to take some basic academic classes. First of all, I don't think pupils have to take all the academic
courses
. But, it is important to have a basic knowledge to survive in
this
society. Learning subjects
such
as languages, maths,
science
Correct word choice
and science
show examples
will be beneficial in the future, letting them understand many things in their lives.
However
, we shouldn't force them to take those kinds of
courses
. We need to respect their choice and their passion. If they want to try a certain thing right now and they miss the chance, they will regret it for the rest of their lives. 
Secondly
, going to college is not obligatory.
Also
, in my opinion, going to university at a specific age is a wrong idea. People can study at any age.
For instance
, I saw once a 40-year-old woman who came to study at my university.
Furthermore
, even though they don't take those classes, there are always
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of ways to learn things after graduating. Especially, these days, we can easily find a variety of online
courses
. Those are often as good as ones in public education, or sometimes even better than them. Having as many options as they can in schools will give young people more opportunities and will allow them
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
broader perspectives about their future. In conclusion, teenagers have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
right to decide what career they want
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
. So, I believe, allowing them
decide
Add the particle
to decide
show examples
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
studying
Change the verb form
to study
show examples
academic
courses
or practical
courses
is a great idea.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced viewpoint on the topic, showing a fair understanding of both sides. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. To improve, consider integrating smoother transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay introduces the topic clearly and presents a logical structure that guides the reader through the arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay maintains a clear position throughout, with a thoughtful exploration of both academic and practical courses.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: