IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in 5 Australian countries.

The chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in 5 Australian countries.
#survey #people #coffee #tea #habits #australian #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart gives information about how many people opted
in buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 and drinking of
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in five varied countries, namely;
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Melbourbe
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the proption
show examples
proption
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
 in terms of people who went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks was the highest in all countries,except the
proption
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
trend
Add an article
the trend
show examples
 of purchasing fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
.In comparison,it is noticed
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average buying
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 throughout
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all five countries. In detail,most local people in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 preferred to visit a cafe
for drinking
Change preposition
to drink
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 years,making up 62%,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Melbourbe
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 had almost the same
proption
Correct your spelling
proportion
proportions
,standing at 64% and 63% respectively.In comparison,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 chose less,at over 50%,being less than the figure of
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 which levelled off at 56%. Focusing on the results of instant
coffee
Use synonyms
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 experienced nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level at around 50%-54%,whilst
Use synonyms
Melbourbe
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 made up 48% and 46% respectively. When it comes to buying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
,it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
showed the lowest trend in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,showing 35% at the same time.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 made up much more,at over 44%,
although
Linking Words
Hobart
Use synonyms
 showed less amount(38%).
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
Melbourbe
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
,it
also
Linking Words
 showed nearly 43%,being less than
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with 1%.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, sydney, melbourbe, brisbane, adelaide, hobart with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: