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Band 4.5

While some people think that art is an important subject for children to study, others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #study #waste #time
Some people
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 the
art
subject
 is an important
subject
 to study. They
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
children
 should
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
art
 because
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 grows
children
's creativity.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 another perspective, learning
art
 is
such
 a waste of time. Sometimes,
art
subject
 is very hard for
children
 because they are not interested. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views are reasonable,
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
children
's t
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Art
subject
 is very abstract, that's why creativity is the most important thing in
this
subject
. Understanding
art
 makes
children
trigerred
Correct your spelling
triggered
 to think
creative
Change the word
creatively
show examples
 and out of the box. Learning
art
also
has teaching
Wrong verb form
teaches
show examples
children
 to
expressed
Change the form of the verb
express
show examples
 their feelings and
toughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
. In special cases, there are a lot of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 talented in
art
. Through
art
subject
, those talents would directed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the right path. For
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 that are not interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 learning
art
,
art
subject
 is quite boring.
Courage
 is one of
fundamental
Add an article
the fundamental
show examples
 things for
children
 to study. Without the
courage
, the mindset of the
children
 is denied all knowledge that will given by an
art
subject
. Even if the students are talented, it's
such
 a waste of time when they are not interested
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 it. In my opinion,
art
subject
 has taught
children
 to be creative and expressive. But, learning
art
 would be
such
 a waste of time if the students are not interested. It doesn't matter if the child has a talent or not, if they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have
a
Remove the article
courage
an act of courage
a sign of courage
show examples
courage
, there is no use.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, the urgency of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to
learns
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
art
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on their
courage
 and interest.
Submitted by arjoensyahananta168 on

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task achievement
Be sure to articulate your supporting arguments and examples more comprehensively to give your essay depth.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces and concludes the debate well, providing a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
complete response
The topic and the writer's opinion are clearly presented, showing a good attempt at achieving the task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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