IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While some people think that art is an important subject for children to study, others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #study #waste #time
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Some people
says
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say
show examples
 the
art
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subject
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 is an important
subject
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 to study. They
thinks
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think
show examples
children
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 should
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
art
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 because
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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 grows
children
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's creativity.
In
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From
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 another perspective, learning
art
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 is
such
Linking Words
 a waste of time. Sometimes,
art
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subject
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 is very hard for
children
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 because they are not interested. Both
of
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apply
show examples
views are reasonable,
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
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 on
children
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's t
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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.
Art
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subject
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 is very abstract, that's why creativity is the most important thing in
this
Linking Words
subject
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. Understanding
art
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 makes
children
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trigerred
Correct your spelling
triggered
 to think
creative
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creatively
show examples
 and out of the box. Learning
art
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also
Linking Words
has teaching
Wrong verb form
teaches
show examples
children
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 to
expressed
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express
show examples
 their feelings and
toughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
. In special cases, there are a lot of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 talented in
art
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. Through
art
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subject
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, those talents would directed
into
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to
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 the right path. For
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 that are not interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 learning
art
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,
art
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subject
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 is quite boring.
Courage
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 is one of
fundamental
Add an article
the fundamental
show examples
 things for
children
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 to study. Without the
courage
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, the mindset of the
children
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 is denied all knowledge that will given by an
art
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subject
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. Even if the students are talented, it's
such
Linking Words
 a waste of time when they are not interested
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 it. In my opinion,
art
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subject
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 has taught
children
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 to be creative and expressive. But, learning
art
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 would be
such
Linking Words
 a waste of time if the students are not interested. It doesn't matter if the child has a talent or not, if they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have
a
Remove the article
courage
an act of courage
a sign of courage
show examples
courage
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, there is no use.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, the urgency of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to
learns
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
art
Use synonyms
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on their
courage
Use synonyms
 and interest.
Submitted by arjoensyahananta168 on

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task achievement
Be sure to articulate your supporting arguments and examples more comprehensively to give your essay depth.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces and concludes the debate well, providing a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
complete response
The topic and the writer's opinion are clearly presented, showing a good attempt at achieving the task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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