IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #schools #waste #time #resources #whilst #school #part #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Having
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools is believed to be the worst use of
time
Use synonyms
 and resources,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 being thought to be an important part of education.
Existence
Correct article usage
The existence
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in the educational system may be considered a waste of
time
Use synonyms
, because, students have loads of other tasks to complete, and so loading them with any sort of physical activity decreases the
overall
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 spent on studying. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as several studies conducted on
time
Use synonyms
 and resource usage of pupils approved that increasing the amount of physical activity disadvantages
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 intellectual state of the pupil. PE lessons help students with dealing with all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of problems related to heating up, as
sport
Use synonyms
 reduces
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of stress hormones released
while
Linking Words
 studying.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students will have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 stable mental state unless they do not attend
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 classes, which provides them with
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enough amount of energy to continue
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 work without any mental barriers.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 recent studies held by “An Independent Psychologists Centre”, subjects who were involved in some physical activities were less likely to suffer from any kind of mental diseases, and so outperformed in field those who were not
training
Replace the word
trained
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, having
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools may be the worst way to
time
Use synonyms
 to be spent, as it is not
Use synonyms
time-efficient
Correct article usage
a time-efficient
show examples
 activity.
However
Linking Words
, there is another group which disagrees with the given opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
 that
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools is a vital part of education, as it prevents mental problems.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Consider expanding the discussion on both viewpoints to provide a more balanced exploration, aiding a more thorough task response.
Task Response
Include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments on both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining the logical flow between paragraphs; ensure all points contribute directly towards supporting the thesis or the overall discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion points.
Task Achievement
The opposing viewpoints are addressed, showing an understanding of the topic complexity.
Task Achievement
Use of studies and specific examples helps to illustrate points, enhancing the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: