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Writing Samples
Band 5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#crimes #year #think #death #penalty #deterrent #measures
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Statistics show that the number of serious crimes
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 each year has been increasing.
This
Linking Words
 has caused
people
Use synonyms
 to look for solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem and some say that the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 is a good deterrent that will contribute to reducing those crimes.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that alternative solutions should be explored first. The
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 say that the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 is a good deterrent do have a point. If criminals knew that the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 is a punishment that could be considered as a punishment for their crimes, they would no doubt think
think
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
twice before
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 them.
This
Linking Words
 doesn't necessarily mean that it's a good idea. The group
that is
Linking Words
 against the addition of the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
deterranct
Correct your spelling
deterrent
deterrence
advicate
Correct your spelling
advocate
advice
 for other measures. they say that
rehibilitation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
 should be the first option. That
people
Use synonyms
 should always get a second chance. And second chances and reversing decisions can't be done with a final solution like the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
. Another side of
this
Linking Words
 is that not every man convicted is guilty. False
convitions
Correct your spelling
convictions
conditions
 do happen and they
reversed
Wrong verb form
reverse
show examples
 on a daily basis. The inclusion of the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 presents the risk of killing an innocent man and
that is
Linking Words
 unacceptable. My opinion on the matter
alligns
Correct your spelling
aligns
align
 more with those against the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
. I believe that the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 is too extreme of
measure
Correct article usage
a measure
show examples
 to take, especially when you consider the risks of the punishment taking an
innocents
Change the noun form
innocent
show examples
 man's life. There's
also
Linking Words
 the fact that
such
Linking Words
 a power could be abused by corrupt
people
Use synonyms
 who abuse the justice system to eliminate those they dislike.
Submitted by superalialhaddad on

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Task Achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion of both sides but ensure that each point is supported with detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using linking phrases consistently throughout your paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You have clearly presented both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, well done!
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion have contributed to the overall structure of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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