IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In your view, what is the most important thing for governments to spend money on: education, health, transportation, or something else? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#governments #money #education #health #transportation #answers
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When it comes to allocating public funds, governments face the challenging task of prioritizing areas that can foster long-term societal growth and well-being.
Although
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 it's quite complicated to emphasize the sector for the most reasonable resource share, there should be priorities which are aimed
on
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at
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 work
processes
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process
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 optimization. I assume
,
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apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 stands out as an anchor of
a
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apply
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development as it leads to improving quality assurance of other sectors.
First,
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the main reason
of
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for
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 choosing
education
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 over the rest areas is the future expert in the specific field of study.
However
Linking Words
, some sectors are overcrowded by smart students trying to get in to receive the work offer, the government is still in profit having taxes from businessmen. Some people think that
education
Use synonyms
 couldn't be the leading sector for the
funds
Change to a genitive case
fund's
funds'
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 allocation as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicine is much
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
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 these days considering all the innovative
researches
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research
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 and the necessity of sponsoring for developing new methods of curing diseases. Obviously, it does matter,
although
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 there could have never been a highly educated specialist without an experienced mentor. What is more,
the
Correct article usage
an
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 educated society is the key to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 successful building of a future nation. Self-improvement leads to a positive result as it's closely connected with their health, physical activity and other sections of life. Many
researches
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types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
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 from state universities
are showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 that being disciplined in
acknowledgment
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acknowledgement
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 can lead any person to
a
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apply
show examples
success in a specific field of action. Taking everything into account, it could be assumed that
education
Use synonyms
 could take the leading position in the national budget allocation considering better
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
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 given the benefits of a better
education
Use synonyms
 level and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 the
inhabitants
Change to a genitive case
inhabitant's
inhabitants'
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 literacy degree
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Submitted by eparfenenkov on

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task achievement
Consider adding specific examples or case studies that support your argument about the importance of education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points are adequately supported with detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the main argument and frames the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay argues convincingly for the prioritization of education in government spending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocation of resources
  • socioeconomic development
  • innovation
  • public health
  • infrastructure
  • sustainable practices
  • conservation
  • equality
  • trade
  • emergency preparedness
  • safety nets
  • mitigating
  • critical thinking
  • outbreaks
  • workforce
What to do next:
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