IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that by showing spectacular sporting events such as Olympic and world cup. Adults will do regular exercise. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss both opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
The all
Remove the article
All
show examples
people
Use synonyms
need
Add the particle
need to
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 do sport.
Use synonyms
People
Change noun form
People's
show examples
Use synonyms
body
Replace the word
bodies
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 than older the
body
Use synonyms
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 and do not use
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective.
Body paragraph 1
The
Correct article usage
People
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people
Use synonyms
 need to do regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 because ıf they
people
Use synonyms
 do
exercise
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
after years the
body
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not bad and they
people
Use synonyms
 use to effective
body
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
The
body
Use synonyms
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to do
exercise
Use synonyms
 the
exercise
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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hard or need a
gym
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
 or
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise
Use synonyms
 and the
people
Use synonyms
 more than feel good.
Body paragraph 3
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 only think ıf
I
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 go to
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
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 I have a more
than
Correct word choice
apply
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muscle
body
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is not good for me but If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 use
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective and go to the
coach
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is good for
people
Use synonyms
 because the
coach
Use synonyms
 only personal road for
people
Use synonyms
 and the
coach
Use synonyms
 know how muscle need
a
Change the article
an
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 so the
gym
Use synonyms
 plan only personal.
Body paragraph 4
In my opinion,
firstly
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
coach
Use synonyms
 and the
people
Use synonyms
 ıf you
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 go to
membership
Add an article
the membership
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 for
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 should be membership
for
Change preposition
to
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gym
Use synonyms
 but
gym
Use synonyms
 not necessary ıf the
gym
Use synonyms
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
 expensive the
people
Use synonyms
 prefer run to outside. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 love
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
myself
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
 you should
be do
Change the verb form
be doing
show examples
 regular
exercise
Use synonyms
. I usually prefer walk to outside
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 my friend because we do not understand and we go away for our
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is good for me because ı
reset
Correct subject-verb agreement
resets
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my brain and
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a lot of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 reset so
this
Linking Words
 is really good for me.
Conclusion
Summary
Change preposition
In summary
show examples
, all
people
Use synonyms
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
do regular
exercise
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
so
show examples
they feel better and
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 is better
good
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your viewpoint from the beginning and summarizes your arguments effectively at the end. Consider starting your essay with a brief introduction of the topic and your stance, and wrapping it up with a succinct conclusion that reinforces your opinion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to keep a consistent flow of ideas throughout your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs more clearly. This will help in presenting your argument in a more organized manner.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly stated and supported with relevant examples or explanations. This can strengthen your task response by making your argument more convincing and comprehensive. Consider including specific examples of how sporting events could inspire adults to exercise.
task achievement
Your essay recognizes the importance of regular exercise and ties this to the larger context of health maintenance, which is commendable.
task achievement
You included personal opinions and experiences, which adds depth to your argument and shows a personal engagement with the topic.
task response
The essay attempts to address the prompt's requirement to discuss both opinions regarding how sporting events might influence regular exercise habits.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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