IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

It is truly said that
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 and teens.
That is
Linking Words
 why, some individuals believe that physical
education
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 should be mandatory for all
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 in all educational institutions. I think these
activities
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
 because
children
Use synonyms
 can know about their
health
Use synonyms
, feel free from the
study
Use synonyms
 burden and
also
Linking Words
 enhance their interest in
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
extra-curricular
activities
Use synonyms
.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 and foremost benefit of having physical
education
Use synonyms
 and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in schools, aware individuals
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
know about their
health
Use synonyms
 and they can know easily which type of food negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 them.
For instance
Linking Words
, 90% of
children
Use synonyms
 love to consume oily and
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
 but by getting adequate
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about the effects of consuming it from
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will avoid it and take a turn towards healthier food.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 faces a lot of competition in class. To pass examinations and to get higher grades in class,
children
Use synonyms
 try to take
study
Use synonyms
 more seriously than anything else.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 one
study
Use synonyms
 reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 those
children
Use synonyms
 who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
actively
participated
Wrong verb form
participate
show examples
 in
sports
Use synonyms
, are more active and energetic
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
 any kind of task. So, engaging in extra-curricular
activities
Use synonyms
 at school not only helps to lessen their physical and mental fatigue but
also
Linking Words
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their concentration level as well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 to make their career
in
Linking Words
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
 field. As we know, if
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are taking interest in different
sports
Use synonyms
 from
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early age
then
Linking Words
 they will make their successful career for sure.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 related to
health
Use synonyms
develop
Change the verb form
develops
show examples
 interpersonal skills among
students
Use synonyms
 where they can learn how to communicate with others,
develop
Correct word choice
and develop
show examples
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
,
team-work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and problem-solving skills when they
are socially interact
Change the verb form
are socially interacting
show examples
 with others.
To sum up
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, some believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 should be mandatory in schools for
students
Use synonyms
. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that these
activities
Use synonyms
 prove
boon
Correct article usage
a boon
show examples
 for them as they can learn about their
health
Use synonyms
, take less burden of
study
Use synonyms
 material and be more focused by increasing their interest in
activities
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a generally comprehensive response to the task by discussing several benefits of mandatory physical education, try to address potential counterarguments or limitations to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Though the main points are logical and well-supported in the essay, ensure that you develop clearer and more detailed ideas, possibly by elaborating on each benefit or including further examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of sentence structures and vary them to enhance the overall readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words more frequently to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response addressing the main points about why physical education and sport should be mandatory in schools.
task achievement
Examples are used appropriately to illustrate key arguments, such as the impact of education on health awareness and career opportunities.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion summarizes the main points well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • compulsory
  • instill
  • regular exercise
  • participation
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • academic studies
  • concentration
  • focus
  • childhood obesity
  • motor skills
  • coordination
What to do next:
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