It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is truly said that
excercise
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exercise
is beneficial for
children
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and teens.
That is
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why, some individuals believe that physical
education
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and
sports
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should be mandatory for all
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
in all educational institutions. I think these
activities
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are beneficial for
students
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because
children
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can know about their
health
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, feel free from the
study
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burden and
also
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enhance their interest in
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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extra-curricular
activities
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.
First
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The first
show examples
and foremost benefit of having physical
education
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and
sport
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sports
show examples
in schools, aware individuals
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
know about their
health
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and they can know easily which type of food negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
them.
For instance
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, 90% of
children
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love to consume oily and
fast-food
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fast food
show examples
but by getting adequate
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
about the effects of consuming it from
physical
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the physical
show examples
subject
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subjects
show examples
then
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they will avoid it and take a turn towards healthier food.
Moreover
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,
student
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the student
a student
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faces a lot of competition in class. To pass examinations and to get higher grades in class,
children
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try to take
study
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more seriously than anything else.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
one
study
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reveals that
,
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apply
show examples
those
children
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who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
actively
participated
Wrong verb form
participate
show examples
in
sports
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, are more active and energetic
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
perfom
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perform
any kind of task. So, engaging in extra-curricular
activities
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at school not only helps to lessen their physical and mental fatigue but
also
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increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
their concentration level as well.
Furthermore
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,
education
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helps
students
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to make their career
in
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particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
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field. As we know, if
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
are taking interest in different
sports
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from
their
Change the word
an
show examples
early age
then
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they will make their successful career for sure.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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related to
health
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develop
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develops
show examples
interpersonal skills among
students
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where they can learn how to communicate with others,
develop
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and develop
show examples
co-operation
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cooperation
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,
team-work
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teamwork
show examples
and problem-solving skills when they
are socially interact
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are socially interacting
show examples
with others.
To sum up
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, some believe that
sports
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and
health
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education
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should be mandatory in schools for
students
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. I
also
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believe that these
activities
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prove
boon
Correct article usage
a boon
show examples
for them as they can learn about their
health
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, take less burden of
study
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material and be more focused by increasing their interest in
activities
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.
Submitted by kaurjagdeep2097 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a generally comprehensive response to the task by discussing several benefits of mandatory physical education, try to address potential counterarguments or limitations to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Though the main points are logical and well-supported in the essay, ensure that you develop clearer and more detailed ideas, possibly by elaborating on each benefit or including further examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of sentence structures and vary them to enhance the overall readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words more frequently to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response addressing the main points about why physical education and sport should be mandatory in schools.
task achievement
Examples are used appropriately to illustrate key arguments, such as the impact of education on health awareness and career opportunities.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion summarizes the main points well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • compulsory
  • instill
  • regular exercise
  • participation
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • academic studies
  • concentration
  • focus
  • childhood obesity
  • motor skills
  • coordination
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