IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization #cases
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Nowadays many people prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
 or
oraganization
Correct your spelling
organisation
 than self-employ.There are both merits and demerits, and I think that the advantages are greater than the drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,there are some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 when
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
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work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 is not comfortable.
For example
Linking Words
, In
Korea
Add a comma
Korea,
show examples
 people need to suit when they go to
work
Use synonyms
, so their
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 are uncomfortable to
work
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they need to look at the boss,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which it
show examples
 makes more stressful.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it could not have good
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 for their
work
Use synonyms
. Many
Use synonyms
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
 in Asia countries
work
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at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 9 to 6, so they have a lot of stress to
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
exert
Wrong verb form
exerted
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work
Use synonyms
 efficiency.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 when they choose to be
self-employ
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
.First of all, they can manage their time schedule. If they manage their time, they can have good results for their
work
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.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they did not have any pressure for
boss
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the boss
a boss
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they can be more
creatively
Change the word
creative
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 when they
work
Use synonyms
. In
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
company
Add a comma
company,
show examples
boss
Fix the agreement mistake
bosses
show examples
 instruct
employers
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
,but
self-employer
Fix the agreement mistake
self-employers
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
free
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them so they can solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 more easily and creatively. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 self-employ
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 greater than
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for a
company
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, people should choose their jobs
within
Change preposition
according to
show examples
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
a tendency
show examples
Submitted by yskim3064 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the task response directly addresses the prompt by discussing why people choose self-employment over company jobs, not the other way around.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or personal anecdotes to strengthen the response.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to another.
coherence cohesion
Avoid vague statements. Instead of saying 'could not have a good result,' specify what those results might be.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, creating a clear structure for the reader.
task achievement
The essay highlights both pros and cons, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • align
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • advancements in technology
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • financial rewards
  • constraints
  • employee benefits
  • administrative tasks
  • financial instability
  • job insecurity
What to do next:
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