In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
In some countries
students
study in
university Change preposition
at
while
they are
live with their family at home, meanwhile others in some countries attending university in another city. In my Unnecessary verb
apply
opinion
it has some drawbacks, but Add a comma
opinion,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
also
beneficial, Correct your spelling
because
beacuse
they are maturing Correct your spelling
because
while
they are away from home and they get more skill in some aspects of life
There are two main reasons why its
beneficial. Correct your spelling
it is
Firstly
, students
getting more mature, because they have plenty of problems
while
living alone such
as financial problems
. For example
, a lot of students
in kazakhstan
Change the capitalization
Kazakhstan
working
Wrong verb form
work
while
they are studying in
Change preposition
at
univeristy
, because of difficulty with money. Job at early age progressing Correct your spelling
university
students
behavoir
to be being more mature. They will feel some responsibility for their life, Correct your spelling
behaviour
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
consequently
influence
their Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
acting
. Replace the word
actions
Secondly
, they will get more some skill
that will influence their adult time Fix the agreement mistake
skills
such
as solving problems
and communicating with people. Because, learner while
living alone will get some trouble such
as bad marks and numerous of them need to solve it and
there is their skill improves because they need to be able to find Correct word choice
apply
approach
for individual Add an article
an approach
teacher
.
On Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
other
hand, it has Correct article usage
the other
also
some drawbacks. Some students
will get some mental health problems
such
as burnout and homesickness. Students
leave their comfort zone and take responsibility for their life
. It gives Fix the agreement mistake
lives
students
a lot of pressure that consenquently
Correct your spelling
consequently
lead
to burnout and a lot of mental Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
ilness
.
In conclusion, living away from parents and home Correct your spelling
illness
have
plenty of benefits Correct subject-verb agreement
has
such
as get
more benefit skills and being more mature. Wrong verb form
getting
However
, there are some drawbacks too, such
as mental ilness
. I believe that the advantages of Correct your spelling
illness
this
outweigh the Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
Submitted by erkasiet2008 on
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task response
While your essay presents a clear response to the task question, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly addresses the main point of the paragraph. This will allow readers to immediately understand the focus.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your writing. This can help improve the coherence and cohesion score.
general writing
Some phrases and sentences are a bit awkward. It might help to read your essay out loud or have someone else read it to catch these areas. For example, 'progressing students behavoir to be being more mature' could be phrased as 'develops maturity in students.'
task response
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Kazakhstan, to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing the discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of living away from home.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.