Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests

In the modern era, many organizations are well-

developedand

Correct your spelling

developed and

updated, so the employees are asking the workers about their personal details like hobbies,

interestsand

Correct your spelling

interests and

marital status. Some

peoplethink

Correct your spelling

people think

it is useful and others disagreewith

thisstatement

Correct your spelling

this statement

. In

thisessay

Correct your spelling

this essay

, we will discuss

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both views. To

beginwith

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begin with

, some

peopleagree

Correct your spelling

people agree

with the statement of employers who

areasking

Correct your spelling

are asking

about the personal information of employees because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they

thinkit

Correct your spelling

think it

will be more

beneficialfortheir

Correct your spelling

beneficial for their

company.

For instance

peopleget

Correct your spelling

people get

their bank loans easily because of the age and experience details of the employer.

Additionally

peoplecan

Correct your spelling

people can

apply for family medical insurance and

alsoprovisional

Correct your spelling

also provisional

fund.

Moreover

, employers can organize some training

programsbased

Correct your spelling

programs based

on experience so

this

kind of

benefits

Fix the agreement mistake

benefit

show examples

is based on the

employee'spersonal

Correct your spelling

employees personal

data.

On the other hand

, some

peopleare againstthe

Correct your spelling

people are against the

employer’s requirement due

tosome

Correct your spelling

to some

personal data

beingshared

Correct your spelling

being shared

withbanks

Correct your spelling

with banks

and the bank

staffare

Correct your spelling

staff are

forcing employees to get loan offers.

For example

, my close friend, recently got a personal loan offer from the bank

thenhe

Correct your spelling

then he

is now struggling to pay the money.

Apart from

this

peopleare

Correct your spelling

people are

thinking about sharing too much of personal details which will be a scam.

To conclude

, today’s world companies are

well-developedand

Correct your spelling

well-developed and

updated. Some people think sharing personal information

withthe

Correct your spelling

with the

organization is

agood

Correct your spelling

a good

thing for getting insurance, loans and training programs. Others

arelike

Correct your spelling

are like

scamming money from the workers.

Correct your spelling

Both should

Bothshould

Correct your spelling

Both should

be encouraged and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is based on

Correct your spelling

everyone's situation

everyone'ssituation

Correct your spelling

situation

Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on Sun Nov 24 2024

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Coherence

Improve logical transitions between ideas to ensure the essay flows smoothly.

Introduction

Make your introduction more engaging and concise. Ensure the reader understands what will be discussed.

Examples

Develop examples further to strengthen your arguments and provide clearer insight.

Conclusion

In conclusion, reiterate the main points more clearly to summarize effectively.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.

Clarity

Despite minor grammatical errors, the essay is mostly clear and understandable.

Relevance

The essay provides relevant points related to personal data use and its implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

217 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

job application
personal information
hobbies and interests
marital status
relevant
useful
privacy
assessing candidates
qualifications
experience

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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a job, others believe that it would be better to gain experience first. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The way that people work today has changed significantly due to the development of technology. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these changes.

News plays an important part of most people’s lives. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead?