Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests

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In the modern era, many organizations are well-

developedand

Correct your spelling

developed and

updated, so the employees are asking the workers about their personal details like hobbies,

interestsand

Correct your spelling

interests and

marital status. Some

peoplethink

Correct your spelling

people think

it is useful and others disagreewith

thisstatement

Correct your spelling

this statement

. In

thisessay

Correct your spelling

this essay

, we will discuss

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both views. To

beginwith

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begin with

, some

peopleagree

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people agree

with the statement of employers who

areasking

Correct your spelling

are asking

about the personal information of employees because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they

thinkit

Correct your spelling

think it

will be more

beneficialfortheir

Correct your spelling

beneficial for their

company.

For instance

Linking Words

peopleget

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people get

their bank loans easily because of the age and experience details of the employer.

Additionally

Linking Words

peoplecan

Correct your spelling

people can

apply for family medical insurance and

alsoprovisional

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also provisional

fund.

Moreover

Linking Words

, employers can organize some training

programsbased

Correct your spelling

programs based

on experience so

this

Linking Words

kind of

benefits

Fix the agreement mistake

benefit

show examples

is based on the

employee'spersonal

Correct your spelling

employees personal

data.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some

peopleare againstthe

Correct your spelling

people are against the

employer’s requirement due

tosome

Correct your spelling

to some

personal data

beingshared

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being shared

withbanks

Correct your spelling

with banks

and the bank

staffare

Correct your spelling

staff are

forcing employees to get loan offers.

For example

Linking Words

, my close friend, recently got a personal loan offer from the bank

thenhe

Correct your spelling

then he

is now struggling to pay the money.

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

peopleare

Correct your spelling

people are

thinking about sharing too much of personal details which will be a scam.

To conclude

Linking Words

, today’s world companies are

well-developedand

Correct your spelling

well-developed and

updated. Some people think sharing personal information

withthe

Correct your spelling

with the

organization is

agood

Correct your spelling

a good

thing for getting insurance, loans and training programs. Others

arelike

Correct your spelling

are like

scamming money from the workers.

Correct your spelling

Both should

Bothshould

Correct your spelling

Both should

be encouraged and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is based on

Correct your spelling

everyone's situation

everyone'ssituation

Correct your spelling

situation

Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on Sun Nov 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence

Improve logical transitions between ideas to ensure the essay flows smoothly.

Introduction

Make your introduction more engaging and concise. Ensure the reader understands what will be discussed.

Examples

Develop examples further to strengthen your arguments and provide clearer insight.

Conclusion

In conclusion, reiterate the main points more clearly to summarize effectively.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.

Clarity

Despite minor grammatical errors, the essay is mostly clear and understandable.

Relevance

The essay provides relevant points related to personal data use and its implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

9 paragraphs

217 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

job application
personal information
hobbies and interests
marital status
relevant
useful
privacy
assessing candidates
qualifications
experience

What to do next:

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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries people who have high incomes pay very high taxes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for individuals and for the country as a whole

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?