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Writing Samples
Band 7

The tables show the sales of fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables show the sales of fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The tables depict the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of shipments of coffee and bananas that had Fairtrade-labelled in five nations in 1999 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
 of coffee increased after five years in all countries
while
Linking Words
sales
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 of bananas dropped in two countries. Looking in more detail, coffee selling in the UK had the most increment compared to the four other states, rising from 1.5
million
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 euros in 1999 to 20
million
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 euros in 2000. Followed by
Switzerland
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Switzerland's
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 income reached double from 3 to 6. Despite Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden
also
Linking Words
 showing an upward trend
but
Correct word choice
apply
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the revenue remained under 2
million
Use synonyms
 in both years. When considering banana trading, the United Kingdom continued leading the majority of the
fairtrade-banana
Correct your spelling
fair trade banana
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.
Also
Linking Words
, it accounted more than a two-fold increase in 2004, reaching for 47
million
Use synonyms
 euros.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a surge in
sales
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
exhibiting
Wrong verb form
exhibited
show examples
 in the figure of
sales
Use synonyms
 of Switzerland and Denmark (from 1 and 0.6 to 5.5 and 4, respectively).
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was a dwindling in revenue in Belgium and Sweden, which made up from 1.8 to 1 and 2 to 0.9, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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