IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
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There are numerous opinions in the world regarding crime
,
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 and actions that can be taken to prevent them.
However
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, views were separated
in
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into
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 two groups, those who think society and government are able to influence
on
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offenses
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offences
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,
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 and those who think oppositely. In
this
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 writing, we will overview both opinions. To begin with, it is evident that authorities have a huge power over citizens, and involving new programs in purpose to
effect
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affect
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on
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offenders' minds, and escape new
crimes
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, would be one of the most powerful ways to decrease amount of violations.
Moreover
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, involving new laws can assist to behavior of the country's society.
For instance
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, countries
such
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 as Turkey or Switzerland, where
crimes
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 even over animals are being punished cruelly, are being called
as
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one of the safest countries to live in.
On the other hand
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, it is impossible to fully understand the human mind, which is why in countries, where the laws towards offenders are strong, the cruelness of unit
offenses
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offences
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 can be unbelievably high.
Thus
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, it all depends on people and their own troubles. At the same time, the
overall
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 well-being of citizens can directly affect the percentage of
crimes
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 in the country, so the
behavior
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behaviour
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, traditions, and bans of every environment can influence the number of delinquencies.
Therefore
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, in South Korea, where the general mentalities of citizens are strong, delinquencies are usually highly cruel. In conclusion, even if it is hard to influence humanity's minds, in my opinion, it is possible for the government to reduce
crimes
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 in the country using the power of law and rights, and
effect
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affect
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on
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people's understanding of
offenses
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offences
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, and their well-being.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

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task response
Work on developing your ideas through more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will enhance your arguments and help in achieving a higher clarity in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main question. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that aid in framing your arguments effectively.
task response
You've made a successful attempt to address both perspectives in the essay, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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