Some people believe that youngsters should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. What extent do you agree or disagree ?
There are people
argue
that Correct pronoun usage
who argue
young
generation must have Correct article usage
the young
full-time
Correct article usage
a full-time
education
at least until they reach 18 years old. I could not agree more Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
this
statement because Linking Words
education
is really important to increase the quality of Use synonyms
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
itself
and people who are educated can be an asset Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
a nation.
Change preposition
to
Firstly
, the students that have a Linking Words
high quality
standard will have critical and strategic thinking. At school, they will be taught how to respect others, Add a hyphen
high-quality
well-behaved
to their colleagues, and obviously sharpen their academic ability. Add a missing verb
be well-behaved
As a result
, when they are facing problems, they know how to solve Linking Words
it
by using their logic. Correct pronoun usage
them
For example
, I am a college student Linking Words
while
my friend Linking Words
only
Add a missing verb
is only
high
school Correct article usage
a high
graduates
, when we were talking about an issue, certainly my point of view and hers were really different. I am more comprehensive Fix the agreement mistake
graduate
whereas
she is not.
Linking Words
Furthermore
, one of Linking Words
crucial
things that make one Add an article
the crucial
country
Use synonyms
can be
advanced is the Verb problem
apply
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
itself
. When there are a lot of university graduates in a particular Correct pronoun usage
themselves
country
, it will Use synonyms
affects
how they manage their Change the verb form
affect
country
for the next generation. Use synonyms
Therefore
, the nation can improve in many aspects, like Linking Words
education
, renewable energy, mass transportation, and many else. Use synonyms
For instance
, Singapore is the only Linking Words
one
advanced Correct pronoun usage
apply
country
in Use synonyms
Southeast
Asia region because the government focused on Correct article usage
the Southeast
refine
the Change the verb form
refining
education
quality. So, the Use synonyms
citizen
are interested Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
to
school.
Change the preposition
in
To conclude
, the youngsters should be encouraged to pursue higher Linking Words
education
. It is totally Use synonyms
benefical
for increasing the capacity Correct your spelling
beneficial
as
humans. Change preposition
of
Moreover
, the nation can gain Linking Words
benefit
from their citizen as an important asset.Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
Submitted by wishmeluck on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Some points felt slightly mixed, affecting the logical flow. For example, the importance of education and its national impact could be structured more distinctly.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations. Mentioning specific policies or studies related to education's impact could enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and bringing closure to your points.
task achievement
Your essay provides a reasonable response to the task, with a clear position stated and developed through the essay.