Studies show that many people in the prison have low level of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree?
It is considered that people who were arrested for some reason, could not amend in many cases. By going to
prison
people usually have time to sort out the causes of their arrest. Providing a
scientific literature allows to inmates figure out the reasons why it happened to them.
Remove the article
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Firstly
, some inmates would not have time or money outside to learn something new, because they likely
to have families and daily costs, which should be paid. An education might increase a level of awareness, including some subjects like math, law, language and others. It's worth Add a missing verb
are likely
mentoning
that it will not always Correct your spelling
mentioning
leads
to any expected consequences like Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
amend
, as the reasons why an inmate Replace the word
amendment
turned
out in Wrong verb form
turns
a
Correct article usage
apply
prison
may vary.
First and foremost, we can't 100% guarantee that the jailors will get the work after release from their cell since some of the owners prefer to avoid getting an employee who came from the prison
due to
their customer safety. In such
cases, the criminal may get upset, and it would be the reason for them to make faults again.
Secondly
, the convict may need to be in a position to study as these are new for them. Some of them may be very rude to the person who is willing to teach. Educating at the cell may be a tedious task as they want to deal with the criminals.
On the other hand
, Educating the jailors would be beneficial to understand what is good and bad, which will make them to staying
away from faults. And Wrong verb form
stay
also
, it would be energetic to their mental health while
they were in prison
.
To put everything into a nutshell, Teaching convicts at the prison
would not be beneficial in case of jailor's mindset and uncertainty in job opportunities. But it is energetic to their mindset.Submitted by fruitextract on
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task achievement
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear stance, but the conclusion could be more reflective of the arguments discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and statistics to support the arguments, this will strengthen the essay and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly addresses one point or idea to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The introduction clearly establishes the topic and your perspective, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes several relevant points that are logically organized, indicating a coherent understanding of the question's requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.