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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the diffrence between right and wrong ar an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children

#children #diffrence #right #ar #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behavior
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I strongly agree with the statement
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 have to learn the distinction
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong things
since
Change preposition
from
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primary
Correct article usage
a primary
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 age.
Basides
Correct your spelling
Besides
 that,
it's
Capitalize word
It's
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belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that it's from
early
Add an article
an early
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 age, that human being character is sharping. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I substantially agree with that , but why I extensively disagree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 punishment is necessary to help
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 learn . As I mentioned before, it's from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age that
children
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's character is built,
in
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 it's
extremelly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 important that the individual starts to have
exemples
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examples
 of what is like to be a decent human being. I personally do not agree that punishment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the
right
Use synonyms
 choice. Punishment can likely have opposite results,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
revolt and anger. Parents should be
preper
Correct your spelling
prepared
, to provide a good education to their
chil
Correct your spelling
child
. The
exemples
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examples
 of love,
honest
Replace the word
honesty
show examples
, compassion, forgiven,
generosity
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and generosity
show examples
 will create a better human being and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, parents have to be
conected
Correct your spelling
connected
 with
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
, having honest conversations and
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 amends,
in addition
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 ,when
children
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 feel close to their parents, they want to follow them. 
Atittudes
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Attitudes
such
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 as, " If you do not eat
helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
, you are going to be sick and have to visit the doctor,
thus
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, the doctor will not
allowed
Change the verb form
allow
be allowed
show examples
 ice cream for a
while
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..." Teachers are the prolongation of home,
hence
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, have to promote approaching, agreements and exchanges too, exemplary actions
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 being kind to everyone around,
also
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 teaching how to apologize and thank you, and acknowledge their own mistakes help in
awaewnwss
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awareness
 of
right
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 and wrong.
To conclude
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 ,in my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 education with good admirable examples
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 at home or at school ,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the best
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to behave and
also
Linking Words
 the difference between
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong.
Submitted by amandaoliveirastylist on

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task achievement
Work on providing a more comprehensive set of specific examples to support your ideas. Concrete examples enhance the argument being made.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by organizing ideas more clearly. Group similar ideas together and use linking words effectively to maintain cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that nicely frame your argument, supporting good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Your response is quite complete and addresses both parts of the question, discussing both the agreement and disagreement aspects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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