Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #happiness

Some

People

think that the only thing that brings

happiness

money

. We will discuss

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

people

can be happy without

money

and what

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

things

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can bring

happiness

. I will give you my opinion about

this

statement after.

Firstly

, some

people

think that the only thing that brings

happiness

money

People

think that the most important factor is

money

. And the important thing to live in

this

life. And

people

think that

money

is the most important factor because there are a lot of

things

you can do with

this

money

such

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

buying

Correct word choice

and buying

show examples

new cars, there are a lot of

things

you can do with the

money

However

, there are a lot of factors that bring

happiness

such

as going out with your family or your friends and playing video games. Some

people

think that the best factor is family and friends, and these are the most important

things

to bring

happiness

Last

but not least, I think that

money

is not the only thing that brings

happiness

. There are

such

things

that you need more than

money

. And in my opinion family and friends are the most important factors in the world, in the same

way

Add the comma(s)

way,

show examples

money

is important but don’t make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

the only thing that lets you feel happy.

Submitted by superalialhaddad on Mon Nov 25 2024

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task achievement

Try to develop your main points with more specific examples and details to make your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can achieve this by using more linking words and phrases.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.

task achievement

You clearly express your view that happiness can be achieved without relying solely on money, and that family and friends are also crucial.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

219 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In many countries, the qualities of life in large cities is becoming worse. What are the cause for this problem? What measure should be taken to tackle this problem?

Some students take a year off and going to university in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that university students should specialize in one subject, while others think universities should encourage students to learn a range of subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many governments think that economic progres is their most important foal. some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.