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Band 5.5

"Old people are an essential part of society, so they should be respected.” How much do you agree with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer

#people #part #society #support
Old
people
 are different. Some of them deserve much more respect than anyone else, depending on a specific person. Most of them are
usual
Correct word choice
normal
show examples
 individuals and they live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
calm
Change the word
calmly
show examples
 enough being retired, more likely having gained everything that they wanted. Elderly
people
 possess a wealth of
experience
 and could share it with young generations, promoting
wisdom
 and learning among communities.
Firstly
, the elderly have a crucial role in
demographics
Correct article usage
the demographics
show examples
 of a state, as a social group that usually consists of a big part of society. Considering the amount of
experience
 that they were
receiveing
Correct your spelling
receiving
 during their life, they should participate in a lot of various activities which
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 them to communicate with
people
, which are interested in their
wisdom
.
Secondly
, old
people
impose
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a lot of
wisdom
.
Wisdom
 is an art that comes with
experience
 and
long-life
Correct your spelling
long life
show examples
 lessons. Old
people
 have lived and gone through so many ups and downs in their lives and
this
 cannot be bought.
For example
, when life gets hard and difficult, most of
this
 cannot be solved by reading a book and one tends to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comfort and
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 from a more aged person who might have gone through those
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
Hence
, older
people
 have more
wisdom
 and should be respected. In summary, being respectful and kind are now the qualities that are slowly
disappering
Correct your spelling
disappearing
. Respecting one another
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 our elderly
people
, should be an essential manner that comes naturally as
this
 generation can teach us many things. What more, without them, we are nothing in
this
 world.
Submitted by fruitextract on

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task achievement
Consider enhancing the task response with more specific examples to strongly support your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the overall logical flow is clear, ensure smooth transitions between ideas for even better coherence.
task achievement
Ensure all main ideas are fully developed and supported with clear, relevant details.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have concluded the essay succinctly, summarizing the main points well.
task achievement
You've articulated the main idea of the importance of respecting older people clearly and comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential part of society
  • wealth of experience
  • intergenerational interaction
  • contribute significantly
  • cultural norm
  • social traditions
  • dignity and support
  • volunteering sector
  • building communities
  • shaping society
  • empathy and respect
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