IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the population size, birth rate and the death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#line #population #size #birth #rate #death #england #wales #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The line chart depicts the total
population
,
birth
 and dead of rating in England and Wales from the period of time from 1700 to 2000. At first glance, after 1800, the
population
 rose dramatically,
while
 the
dead
Replace the word
death
show examples
rate
 dropped gradually. From 1700 to 1800, both
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
 and death
rate
 were relatively high, resulting in the
pepulation
Correct your spelling
population
 size
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 gradually over decades. In the period from
19th
Correct article usage
the 19th
show examples
century
 to mid of
20th
Correct word choice
mid-20th
show examples
century
, the figures for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 soared, and the death
rate
 fell dow observed, thanks to the coincidences with
onset
Add an article
the onset
show examples
 of
Industrial
Correct article usage
the Industrial
show examples
 Revolution and
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of health care. In
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
19
Correct your spelling
19th
century
, the
birth
rate
 witnessed a sharp
grow up
Correct your spelling
growth
show examples
,
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
significant rise in
population
 but began to decrease
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
century
Add an article
the century
show examples
.
By contrast
, in first half of
20
Correct your spelling
the 20th
century
 saw a
further
 decline in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death and
birth
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 notable dip during
Correct article usage
the wartme
show examples
wartme
Correct your spelling
wartime
warmer
 periods.
Finally
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
last
 of
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
century
, the
birth
 and
dearth
Correct your spelling
death
show examples
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
widened, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
substantial growth in
number
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
population
Submitted by kyobi46455 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, birth, rate, century with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic changes
  • population growth
  • birth rate
  • death rate
  • gradual increase
  • notable decline
  • Industrial Revolution
  • public health improvements
  • significant rise
  • wartime periods
  • substantial growth
  • natural decrease in mortality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: