It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
NOWADAYS, MOST
OF
Change preposition
apply
INDIVIDUALS
THINK THAT RESIDING FAR FROM PARENTS
IS Correct pronoun usage
THEIR PARENTS
BETTER
OPTION RATHER THAN LIVING WITH THEM DURING THE Correct article usage
A BETTER
COLLEGE
PERIOD. WHILE
IT MIGHT BE TRUE FOR
SOME EXTENT, I DISAGREE WITH Change preposition
TO
THIS
OPINION.
SOME INDIVIDUALS
' PREFERENCES ARE LIVING FAR FROM FAMILY DURING
STUDYING AT Change preposition
WHILE
COLLEGE
DUE TO
SOME REASONS. Change preposition
FOR
FIRSTLY
, THE MAIN REASON WOULD BE INDEPENDENCE,WHAT I MEAN BY THAT SOME PARENTS
ARE TOO PROTECTIVE AND THEY HAVE STRICTER RULES, THEREFORE
CHILDREN WANT TO ESCAPE FROM LIVING UNDER THE
PRESSURE. Correct article usage
apply
ADDITIONALLY
, SOME INDIVIDUALS
LIVE IN AN EXTENDED FAMILY SO IT LED
TO SOME Wrong verb form
LEADS
CHALLANGES
Correct your spelling
CHALLENGES
FOR
PURSUING EDUCATION. TO ELABORATEChange preposition
IN
IT
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
EXTENDED
FAMILY ENVIRONMENT IS MOSTLY NOISY, Correct article usage
THE EXTENDED
THUS
ADULTS CANNOT
PREPARE THEIR PROJECTS Verb problem
CAN
DUE TO
DISTRACTION AND LACK OF ATTENTION. FOR INSTANCE
, PRESENT DAYS
MOST CHILDREN Fix the agreement mistake
DAY
COMPLAINING
ABOUT DISTRACTED Wrong verb form
COMPLAIN
ENVIRONMENT
AT HOME, ESPECIALLY IN EXTENDED FAMILIES. IN Fix the agreement mistake
ENVIRONMENTS
THESE KIND
OF SITUATIONS LIVING AWAY FROM FAMILY WOULD BE THE BEST CHOICE,
Change the determiner
THIS KIND
THESE KINDS
HOWEVER
, I BELIEVE THAT LIVING IN
A FAMILY IS Change preposition
WITH
BETTER
OPTION DURING Correct article usage
A BETTER
PERIOD
OF Correct article usage
THE PERIOD
COLLEGE
DUE TO
SEVERAL REASONS. IN THE FIRST PLACE, SOME Change preposition
FOR
PARENTS
HAVE LOW-INCOME
THAT THEY HARDLY MAKE ENDS MEET, ESPECIALLY IN BROKEN FAMILIES WHERE ONLY ONE MEMBER WORKS. Correct your spelling
LOW INCOME
IN
THAT OCCASION, RENTING Change preposition
ON
HOUSE
FOR ADULTS CAN MAKE Correct article usage
A HOUSE
SITUATION
WORSE. Correct article usage
THE SITUATION
ADDITIONALLY
, SOME INDIVIDUALS
HAVE STRONG FAMILY TIES WITH PARENTS
, PROVIDING THAT THEY LIVE FAR AWAY FROM Correct pronoun usage
THEIR PARENTS
PARENTS
THEY MIGHT BE FELT Correct pronoun usage
THEIR PARENTS
HOMESICKNESS
AND Replace the word
HOMESICK
IT
Correct pronoun usage
apply
RESULTED
IN FALLING INTO DEPRESSION. MANY STUDENTS CHANGE THEIR Wrong verb form
RESULTS
COLLEGE
DUE TO
MISSING FAMILY.
TO CONCLUDE
, LIVING WITH PARENTS
WOULD BE BETTER DURING COLLEGE
PERIODS DUE TO
NOT PUTTING FINANCIAL
BURDEN ON Correct article usage
A FINANCIAL
PARENTS
AND AVIOIDING
THE FEELING OF HOMESICKNESS .Correct your spelling
AVOIDING
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. This will help guide the reader through your arguments in a logical manner.
task achievement
Avoid using all uppercase letters; using standard sentence capitalization will improve readability and professionalism.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more evenly and thoroughly. Consider providing more specific examples and explanations for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a framework for the arguments.
task achievement
You present arguments for and against the statement well, which shows a consideration of multiple perspectives.