Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
The entertainment industry is
one
of the largest sectors in all around the world. Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
thinks
that the Correct subject-verb agreement
think
people
who works
in that industry earn too much money considering their bad influence on society, and I agree. Change the verb form
work
Others
, however
, believe that their positive impact
on others
is worth the money that they are paid.
On the one
hand, there is no doubt that show business is an enormous and unfairly well paid
sector. Add a hyphen
well-paid
In addition
to that, members of it do not add real value, compared to others
like, for instance
, education workers. Although
, in some countries
teachers live with unreasonable wages, their responsibility is extremely valuable for Add a comma
countries,
next
generations Correct article usage
the next
become
better Add the particle
to become
people
. Whereas
a singer can earn double his annual salary from one
concert. The other important point is, for
a balanced and equal society, the difference between income levels must not be very high. Regardless Correct word choice
that for
than
their contribution, no Change preposition
of
one
should make billions of dollars that easily, because that imbalance does have a significant negative impact
on a society.
On the other hand
, some people
think that entertainers’ contribution to the
modern life is worth the money they earn. It can be understood that for many Correct article usage
apply
people
, watching a movie or going to a concert is irreplaceable with other activities; therefore
, they think that their positive impact
is crucial for a significant proportion of people
. In addition
to that, celebrities do
compromise their privacy and freedom Verb problem
apply
with being
known by many Change preposition
to be
others
. In exchange of
that, they Change preposition
for
do
deserve a comfortable life with significantly better paychecks.
In conclusion, despite their minimal contribution with their work to the Verb problem
apply
people
and sacrifice from their private life; I believe that their impact
is far from being positive and they are not paid fairly or balanced with others
.Submitted by fruitextract on
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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument, such as citing specific celebrities or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between ideas to enhance the essay's flow.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly covers both sides of the argument and concludes with a clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in reader understanding.