Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere To what extent do you agree with this view?
There is a belief among individuals that the economy of a nation.
In conclusion, despite it is believed by many that spending more
money
spent on arts by governments is useless and it
should be utilised somewhere else. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Although
some people might disagree with this
notion, I completely agree with this
statement, not only because it can be used for educational and healthcare purposes, but also
it
could be beneficial if Correct word choice
because it
government
use it in Correct article usage
the government
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
sector
. This
essay will explore how these factors justify my view points
.
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
To begin
with, the predominant reason that compels me to agree with the statement is that by prioritising educational services, rather than arts, a country can improve its literacy rate, which eventually lets do
more educated workers Unnecessary verb
apply
for
fields like engineering, educated, and healthcare Change preposition
in
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
results
in less need of immigrant employees. Wrong verb form
resulting
For instance
, an article published in 'The Times of India'states
that the countries with Correct your spelling
India
more
literacy Correct word choice
higher
rate
have Fix the agreement mistake
rates
less
immigrant doctors and engineers, so expanding Correct quantifier usage
fewer
money
in educational
Add an article
the educational
sector
have
many benefits Correct subject-verb agreement
has
to
a country.
Change preposition
for
Furthermore
, this
money
can ge
used to establish hospitals and dispensaries as well. Correct your spelling
be
Due to
their low budget, some regions are unable to provide theor
residents with good medical treatment on time. These Correct your spelling
their
type
of regions could be assisted in providing more facilities with the help of Fix the agreement mistake
types
this
capital. Moreover
, this
money
can be wisely used in industrial
Add an article
the industrial
sector
. This
will create more employment opportunities. The more the
industries Correct article usage
apply
would be
established, the Wrong verb form
are
less
the unemployment rate would be, which Correct word choice
lower
will
Wrong verb form
would
finally
contribute to surge
inAdd an article
a surge
the surge
Add an article
the
arts
is beneficial. I think Change preposition
on arts
this
capital should be used in education
, medical, and industrial Correct article usage
the education
sector
. That will help with boosting the economy and standard of any country.Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
Submitted by simrank09r on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. For instance, the second body paragraph should start with a sentence that clearly states its main point.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. For example, mention a specific country which improved healthcare and economy by reallocating arts funding.
task achievement
Try to further clarify and expand on the explanation of how the money could benefit sectors like education and healthcare, to make your argument even stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas allowing readers to follow the argument easily.
task achievement
The main points such as improving literacy rate and supporting healthcare were relevant and valid.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.