IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture.We can learn as much as from books, films, and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #places #culture #books #films #internet
To learn a nation's
culture
 sometimes
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
people
 to
travel
, but some
people
agrees
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 that it waste of time and unnecessary because it can
be learn
Change the verb form
be learned
show examples
 through books, films, and the internet. To be able to
travel
 to other places, it
is require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 us to spend more money and time.
However
, I do believe learning
a
Change preposition
about a
show examples
culture
live
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
will
gain
Verb problem
give me
show examples
 more experiences. Learn other
places
Change noun form
places'
place's
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 is always exciting,
travel
 to
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 will take a lot of money and effort especially.
For instance
, in 2019, a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
published by the University of Philadephia, showed that
people
 who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to
travel
 usually save their money about 4 months in advance.
In addition
, workers are hard to find time to
travel
due to
 their limitation of leave quota.
For instance
, there is a company in Jakarta
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 only allowed their employee to take 2 days off for a year.
However
,
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
a new places
Correct the article-noun agreement
new places
a new place
show examples
 will get you more experience,
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
show examples
 new
cuisine
Fix the agreement mistake
cuisines
show examples
, meet new
people
, and sometimes
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead to new ideas.
For instance
, the New York Times articles in 2023 reported that
people
 who travelled and
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
culture
 from outside,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
became more
appreciate
Replace the word
appreciative
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
culture
 and surroundings. Interacting with locals provides a unique insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their beliefs, traditions, and daily lives that can not be replicated through other means.
For example
, learning a Japan's
tradional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 tea ceremony from books or
documentary
Fix the agreement mistake
documentaries
show examples
 is informative, it is different if you get alongside
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the local host and have a deeper understanding. In conclusion, it is true that learning a new
culture
 can be done without
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,
however
, I strongly believe that firsthand experience is more
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
.
Submitted by adedode on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, use transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs and within sentences. This will help guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations for your main points to fully demonstrate the depth of your arguments. This will help improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that every argument is clearly linked back to the central topic of whether traveling is necessary for cultural learning. This will strengthen your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments made in the essay, providing a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples that enhance the argument, such as the survey from the University of Philadelphia and the New York Times report.
coherence cohesion
A balanced discussion is presented, acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding learning about cultures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • authentic experiences
  • diverse perspectives
  • comprehensive
  • historical context
  • facilitates
  • sensory and emotional depth
  • holistic understanding
  • cultural bias
  • stereotypes
  • discernment
  • virtual reality
  • convenience of access
What to do next:
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