IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #town #situation
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These days, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are moving to
metropolices
Correct your spelling
metropolises
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 tremendously, and the elderly merely remain in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural areas. There are some reasons why
this
Linking Words
 issue is
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 and some constructive solutions to tackle
this
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 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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enough facilities in the countryside can be a driving problem which is more likely to cause a vast majority of local
people
Use synonyms
feel
Add the particle
to feel
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 unsatisfied
of
Change preposition
with
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 living in these regions. To illustrate, the rate of dissatisfied individuals may increase when there is not a good healthcare centre or educational
spots
Fix the agreement mistake
spot
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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close proximity
of
Change preposition
to
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 a village.
This
Linking Words
 can result in
reduding
Correct your spelling
reducing
 the population of that place, which brought about destructing motivations plenty of the young generation in the countrysides.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Indeed, there
is
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are
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 not enough job
opportuneties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in villages, which leads to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 in the rate of
people
Use synonyms
 who are unwilling to continue living in the
countrysides
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countryside
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they leave their hometown, owing to looking for jobs. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, there are some solutions in order to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. First and foremost, governments should take steps so as to improve the satisfaction in an area. Simply put, by enhancing the quality of hospitals and clinics, or other medical spots
as well as
Linking Words
 educational
instituitions
Correct your spelling
institutions
.
This
Linking Words
 is more likely to happen as long as relative authorities provide funds to these sectors to improve their services to locals.
Moreover
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, creating jobs by private sectors and governmental organizations cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
stay
Add the particle
to stay
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 in their village because in
this
Linking Words
 way not only they can be able to take care of their parents, but
also
Linking Words
 they have an occupation with
satisfying
Correct article usage
a satisfying
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 salary.
To conclude
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, today, the rate of the youth that leave their home has improved dramatically.
This
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 may be because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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issues
such
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 as being
lacked
Replace the word
lack
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 enough
aminities
Correct your spelling
amenities
 and job opportunities.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
, they can be tackled unless the
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 do not take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
. Developing facilities and implementing new job positions in rural areas are two of the best solutions in order to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by sahar.moti1994 on

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coherence/cohesion
Work on ensuring the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Some parts may seem disjointed, so focus on clear transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure examples are specific and directly support the points you are making. This helps in reinforcing your main ideas effectively.
coherence/cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing the given prompt effectively by outlining the problems and suggesting potential solutions.
task achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both the problems and solutions related to young people moving from the countryside to the cities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
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