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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminum cans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminum cans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
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The illustration depicts the number of steps
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in the recycling of aluminium
cans
Use synonyms
. The cycle
is beginning
Wrong verb form
begins
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 with aluminium
cans
Use synonyms
 that people throw them after utilizing. In the second stage, wastes are gathered by
a garbage trucks
Correct the article-noun agreement
a garbage truck
garbage trucks
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 all around the cities. Now turning our attention to the third process, In the recycling factory, after cleaning the
cans
Use synonyms
, they are sorted
to
Change preposition
into
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 various categories;
then
Linking Words
 in order to reduce their sizes, shredded
aluminuim
Correct your spelling
aluminium
cans
Use synonyms
 are pressed
to gether
Correct your spelling
together
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
the dense material shaped in the previous step
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is heated to be
turn
Wrong verb form
turned
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 to the liquid. Following that, the role, with
tickness
Correct your spelling
thickness
 between 2.5 mm and 6mm, is made by the melted metal, which in the subsequent process,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is used as the primary material for producing
Correct your spelling
aluminium
aluminuim
Correct your spelling
aluminium
cans
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, Information about the
companie
Correct your spelling
company
 using the
cans
Use synonyms
 as containers for their beverage,
as well as
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general information about how the can is
pruduced
Correct your spelling
produced
,
such
Linking Words
 as how much of the material is from recycled materials, are printed on them.
Overall
Linking Words
, several steps play roles in producing new reusable
cans
Use synonyms
 from used
aluminuim
Correct your spelling
aluminium
cans
Use synonyms
, some of these steps require advanced technologies.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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