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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. l

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. l
#process #sugar #cane #summarise #information #features #comparisons #l
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The diagram below illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 where
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is turned into commonly known
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 production is a long manufacturing
process
Use synonyms
, which starts with growing
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 and ends with
sugar
Use synonyms
 grains.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the given illustration,
sugar
Use synonyms
 production starts by growing
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 in designated areas, around 12 to 18 months. After
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 reach maturity, it is harvested by special machinery or manually, which
then
Linking Words
 transfers it into the crushing machine.
Secondly
Linking Words
, all
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
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 are crushed in the production factories, where juice from
canes
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 is collected and transferred into
Correct article usage
a
show examples
limestone filter to get a purified juice. The
process
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 is called purification.
In addition
Linking Words
,
purified
Add an article
the purified
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 liquid is boiled in
evaporator
Correct article usage
an evaporator
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high heat, where juice becomes syrup.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals
is
Change the verb form
are
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 separated from syrup by using
centrifuge
Add an article
a centrifuge
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals are dried and cooled, and
sugar
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 grains are ready for common consumption. Taking everything into
concideration
Correct your spelling
consideration
,
sugar
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 manufacturing is a complex
process
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, which needs time,
knowlage
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knowledge
 and dedication.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 it
playes
Correct your spelling
plays
played
Correct article usage
an importent
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importent
Correct your spelling
important
 role in
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
supplie
Correct your spelling
supply
supplier
 chain and economy.
Submitted by ibragimmamedov2 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, canes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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