IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young people today spend a significant amount of time on social media platforms, which can lead to various issues. What problems can arise from excessive use of social media among youth, and what solutions can be implemented to address these issues?

#people #amount #time #media #platforms #youth #address
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Many young people nowadays
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a significant amount of their time on social media which can result in various issues.
Although
Linking Words
 social media
platforms
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 play a crucial role in certain aspects like entertainment, education, and communication
an
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive
use
Use synonyms
 can develop serious mental health issues. It is undeniable that social media
platforms
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 are one of the most beneficial developments technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 produced, these websites help people stay in touch with their family and friends especially,
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
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 live apart. With
videocalls
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video calls
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 and
messages
Add a comma
messages,
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 distance is no more a communication barrier.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
platforms
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 made news and information accessible and available to everyone, it does not require more than a click to discover new trends and remain updated with what's new.
However
Linking Words
, excessive
use
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 of these
platforms
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 can develop several problems that could pose a serious threat to the
life
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lives
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 of many. One of these problems is the lack of personal interactions and face-to-face discussion, increasing screen time disconnects children from reality
makes
Correct word choice
and makes
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 it harder for them to interact with their surroundings which leads to
create
Verb problem
apply
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a sense of loneliness and depression.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, unchecked
use
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 can affect children's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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 making them more fragile and
reduce
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reducing
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 their self-confidence
due to
Linking Words
 the attention they give
for
Change preposition
to
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 negative and judgmental comments which may push them to change themselves or
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
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 bad habits they don't belong to in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of seeking perfection.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
balanced-
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balanced use
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use
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 will more effectively address the problem and combine between virtual spectrum and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle. In conclusion,
platforms
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took
Wrong verb form
have taken
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 a huge place in our lives
where
Correct word choice
and
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 most of us rely on them for business and entertainment purposes, for that, we should understand how to include them healthily in our lives, limiting their negative impact by preventing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive
use
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sandraabdulkarim1 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially when discussing the mental health impacts and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas. Transition phrases like 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example' could help strengthen the connections between your points and make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of balanced social media use.
task achievement
You've successfully identified several potential issues of excessive social media use, such as mental health problems and lack of social interactions, fulfilling the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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