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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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Provided
Correct article usage
The provided
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 illustration represents
rehabilitation
Correct article usage
the rehabilitation
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 of West
park secondary
Correct your spelling
Park Secondary
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School
Use synonyms
 starting
from
Change preposition
in
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 1950.The three Images depict
Correct article usage
the
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changing of the spot within thirty years of difference. Similarities these plans have encompass
: Main
Correct your spelling
the main
 road and
Correct article usage
the
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size of
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
a school
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 building. Beginning in 1950,
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
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 was surrounded by houses on the left,
playground
Correct article usage
a playground
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 on the back and
right
Correct article usage
a right
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 next to
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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farmland.
In thirty
Change preposition
Thirty
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 years later
school
Use synonyms
 expanded and a science block was added to it, meaning existing space became the main building. We clearly observe that houses were completely removed,
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 a car park was added to the complex.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 farmland was recreated
to
Change preposition
into
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 a sports field and the playground stayed the same. In 2010 slight changes had been made on the site.
Car
Add an article
The car
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 park was extended at the expense of the sports field , which caused the deduction of playground space as well. In conclusion, The site has gone through a significant change since 1950. The difference between the first and
last
Linking Words
 image is clear. Sch0ol expanded and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 around it adapted to its needs.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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