IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that young people should take a break between school and university to go travelling and learn more about the world. Others say that it is better for them to go straight to university from school, and then go travelling when they have finished their studies. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#say #people #break #school #university #world #studies
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, taking a
break
Use synonyms
 from
university
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 after completing school has become a new trend among
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
. some people think in order to maintain momentum in their
studies
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 youngsters should not take off from
university
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,
while
Linking Words
 other claims ,
instead
Linking Words
 of going straight to degree education
student
Use synonyms
 should take
Use synonyms
break
Add an article
a break
show examples
 to learn different and practical
aspects
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 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life
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 rather than just
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 theories only. I
persnolly
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personally
 believe having a off from
studies
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 gives a
break
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 to stress that
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 are getting from schools
while
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 studying
however
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their
Replace the word
there
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 are various
aspects
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 that should be considered
while
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 taking
Use synonyms
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
such
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 as length of
break
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. On
Correct article usage
the
show examples
one hand,
although
Linking Words
, no doubt, getting
Add an article
a
show examples
break
Use synonyms
 from
studies
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 after school buy some
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 for students to enjoy their
life
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however
Linking Words
 we cannot neglect that
this
Linking Words
 is
golden
Add an article
a golden
the golden
show examples
 time to achieve their goals as they
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
 done with their
studies
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 so they
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 momentum which should be moved as on
towords
Correct your spelling
towards
 their
university
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studies
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 rather than distracting from vocation.
Consequences
Correct article usage
The consequences
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
a
show examples
long delaying studying can
putt
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
younster
Correct your spelling
youngster
 to off
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track from their career which can affect their
life
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 forever. On
Correct article usage
the
show examples
other hand, without a doubt ,
while
Linking Words
 , schools are capable of teaching most of the
aspects
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 of
life
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 to the students , there are few things that can be learned only by travelling to the world. For a
student
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 travel can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to choose
their
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the
show examples
 right path for their career.
For example
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, when a person
travel
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travels
show examples
 to explore their own nation they not only get to
known
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
 about other cultures but
also
Linking Words
problem
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problems
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 that people are suffering ,
this
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 can
motivates
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
them
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to
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
solutions and make something better for their country by studying hard. In conclusion, there are several
benifts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of having a gap from
university
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studies
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 as
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Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
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students
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 get to know about
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 and their cultures which
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourages
 them to study hard ,
however
Linking Words
, taking a long
vocations
Correct the article-noun agreement
vocation
show examples
 can
break
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ryhtem
Correct your spelling
rhythm
 of their
studies
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 or
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
student
Use synonyms
 can be distracted which result in spoiling a career of youth. I believe before going
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any trip one should consider a place where they can learn some
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
aspects
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 of
life
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 and
while
Linking Words
 planning a
break
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they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 must think about
Add an article
the
show examples
length of the
break
Use synonyms
 from their
studies
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by amarbatth367 on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Try to expand more on your opinion and adequately balance both views presented in the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Work on maintaining a consistent logical structure across the paragraphs. While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the main points could be organized more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Include clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion appropriately.
task response
The essay successfully discusses both views and includes some personal input, reflecting on the importance of experiential learning and maintaining academic momentum.
task response
An attempt has been made to provide examples, such as reflecting on how traveling can impact learning and career choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Cultural enlightenment
  • Broader perspective
  • Maturity
  • Independence
  • Practical life skills
  • Budgeting
  • Time management
  • Problem-solving
  • Resilience
  • Adaptability
  • Academic mindset
  • Academic momentum
  • Economic argument
  • Financial strain
  • Professional exchanges
  • Study abroad programs
  • International experience
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