IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Before a lot of advantages, some people believe that the internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement?

#people #internet #whit
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NOWADAYS, MANY
PEOPLE
 THINK THAT A LOT OF PROBLEMS STEM OUT FROM
ADVENT
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THE ADVENT
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 OF
INTERNET
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THE INTERNET
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.
WHILE
 IT MAY BE TRUE TO SOME EXTENT, I DISAGREE WITH
THIS
 OPINION FOR SEVERAL REASONS. ON THE ONE HAND,
INTERNET
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THE INTERNET
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 CAN LEAD
SOME
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TO SOME
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 UNDESIRABLE CONSEQUENCES. ONE MAJOR PROBLEM WOULD BE ISOLATION
,
Remove the comma
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 SINCE ALMOST ALL THE TIME IS SPENT ON THE
INTERNET
.
PEOPLE
MAKE
Verb problem
apply
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COMMUNICATION
Replace the word
COMMUNICATE
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 BY CALLING,
TEXTING
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AND TEXTING
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TO
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EACH
OTHERS
Change to a singular noun
OTHER
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INSTEAD
 OF FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION.
ADDITION
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IN ADDITION
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 TO
THIS
, IT LEADS TO
FEELING
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FEELINGS
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 OF LONELINESS AND AVOIDANCE OF SOCIALIZING. APART FROM THAT, SOME
PEOPLE
'S MENTAL HEALTH IS EASILY AFFECTED BY
INTERNET
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THE INTERNET
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,
THEREFORE
 THEY FALL INTO DEPRESSION.
MOREOVER
, CYBER- ATTACKS
GETTING
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ARE
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INCREASE
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INCREASING
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 THROUGH THE
INTERNET
,
IT TRIGGERS
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TRIGGERING
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 STOLEN OF PERSONAL DATA AND RESULTING IN
A
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apply
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IDENTITY THEFT.
FOR INSTANCE
, NOWADAYS CYBERBULLERS EASILY HACK BANK ACCOUNTS AND
STOLE
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STEAL
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 HUGE
AMOUNT
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AMOUNTS
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 OF MONEY.
ON THE OTHER HAND
, I BELIEVE THAT THE
INTERNET
 HAS A PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE IN INDIVIDUALS' LIFE, AS EVERYTHING IS SOLVED BY ELECTRONICAL DEVICES. IN THE FIRST PLACE, IT IS A MASS MEDIUM FOR COMMUNICATION AND FACILITATES LIVES.
PEOPLE
 GET IN TOUCH
RELATIVES
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WITH RELATIVES
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 OR FAMILY MEMBERS VIA
INTERNET
 THROUGH THE DISTANCES.
ADDITIONALLY
,
EDUCATIONAL
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THE EDUCATIONAL
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 ADVANTAGES OF THE
INTERNET
IS
Correct subject-verb agreement
ARE
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 UNDENIABLY CRUCIAL.
DUE TO
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apply
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, HAVING ACCESS
INTERNET
OPEN
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OPENING
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 NEW DOORS,
PEOPLE
 CAN GET ANY LANGUAGE SKILLS WITHOUT ENROLLING IN COURSES ,IT IS A VAST SOURCE OF INFORMATION
..
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.
...
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FOR INSTANCE
, A VAST MAJORITY OF
PEOPLE
 PURSUE DISTANCE EDUCATION
IN
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apply
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OVERSEAS THROUGH THE
INTERNET
.
TO CONCLUDE
,
ALTHOUGH
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THE
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INTERNET
 HAS SOME NEGATIVE EFFECTS, I DO NOT BELIEVE IT OUTWEIGHS
POSITIVE
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THE POSITIVE
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 POSSIBILITIES.
Submitted by afaaslanova07 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your points and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Try to balance the points discussed, giving equal weight to different sides of the argument for a more comprehensive view.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position and answers the question with both supporting and opposing arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points discussed and restates the position clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes relevant ideas which are logically organized with topic sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cyber-security
  • Data breach
  • Identity theft
  • Misinformation
  • Fake news
  • Connectivity
  • Instant messaging
  • Social media platforms
  • Revolutionized communication
  • Educational resource
  • Privacy concerns
  • Public opinion
  • Information access
  • Data vulnerability
  • Verification of information
  • Digital transformation
  • Online presence
  • Global village
  • Social harmony
  • Internet infrastructure
What to do next:
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