A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #population #mixture #nationalities

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As the level of migration to developed

countries

Use synonyms

increases, it is clearly obvious that these people will contribute to a country’s well-being. I totally agree with the statement because these individuals always leave their origins as better in order to grow and develop.

Firstly

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, giving more chances for establishing a creative community,

having

Correct word choice

and having

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different ethnic groups, will result in a different mindset.

Therefore

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, the variation in the community’s background allows for

Correct article usage

the expressing

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expressing

Replace the word

expression

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different

Change preposition

of different

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ideas or opinions.

For example

Linking Words

according to

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some international experts in global relationships, they have predicted that the political domination and evolution in the United Kingdom, coming from the nomination of the prime ministers that are coming from multiple nations.

This

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diversity is crafting a good environment for a country’s development, and it will open doors for individuals who are willing to share their experiences to improve

living

Correct pronoun usage

their living

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status.

Secondly

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, accepting more energetic people who

are having

Wrong verb form

have

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dreams and want to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

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Correct pronoun usage

them

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. Most of these people leave their

countries

Use synonyms

in order to change their situation to be financially secure. So, when they settle in a new place, they will be more excited to achieve their goals and will work more.

As well as

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Remove the comma

apply

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this

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will enhance the economy of the accepted

countries

Use synonyms

For instance

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, Elon Musk, who is

the

Correct article usage

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famous businessman in the United States,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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has gone to America and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

took

the

Correct article usage

show examples

American passport,

then

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he built his enterprises, which are the main contributing companies

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the U.S. economy. In conclusion, I believe that the most evolved

countries

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around the world rely on migrated individuals.

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Although

Correct word choice

However

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I think they are more active than original citizens because they are going to a new country in order to make themselves better and

implementing

Wrong verb form

implement

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their desires.

Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on Wed Nov 27 2024

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task achievement

The introduction provides a clear stance but could set a more detailed background/context for the discussion to enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-organized, but could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas to improve flow and coherence.

task achievement

Adding a few more specific examples or details to the body paragraphs could further strengthen the main points.

task achievement

The essay clearly agrees with the statement and provides a strong viewpoint from the beginning.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and reinforces the viewpoint stated in the introduction.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

289 words

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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasizes that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?