IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays people believe that governments should invest tax-payers' money in healthcare while others believe that money should be used in other areas Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax-payers #money #healthcare #areas #points
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Present-days
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
 a lot of
people
 think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have to spend the
money
 of
tax-payer
Fix the agreement mistake
tax-payers
show examples
 to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 of
healthcare
system
.
But
Correct word choice
On
show examples
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
people
 believe that
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 should apply
this
money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
show examples
 of social life. Now I am going to write about two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of
this
 situation and
then
 I will give my own opinion.
Currently
Add a comma
Currently,
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
people
 believe that if the
government
 invest
money
 of
tax-payers
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
healthcare
, It will be beneficial work for all
people
 and their generation .
For example
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in 2000
year
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
government
 of Singapore
was spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 a lot of
money
 to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 of
healthcare
 sector. They bought special cars and modern technologies, built very modern hospitals ,
taught
Correct word choice
and taught
show examples
 specialists to
working
Change the verb form
work
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
healthcare
system
. Result of those works today Singapore's
healthcare
 sector
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 strong in the world. Bat there are some
people
 who think spending
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
other important part
Change the wording
another important part
other important parts
show examples
 of social life like education and
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
 is the best way. They say that investing the
money
 of
tax-payers
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 only one field
sach
Correct your spelling
such
 as to
healthcare
system
 is false.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 the
government
 of Somoniy
country
wos
Correct your spelling
was
 spend the
money
 of
tax-payers
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
 field, construction
system
, education part and
healthcare
system
 of social life in 990
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
.
Result
Correct article usage
The result
show examples
 of those that
country
Fix the agreement mistake
heads
show examples
head
Add the auxiliary verb
head has
show examples
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 very powerful
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during
10th
Correct article usage
the 10th
show examples
 and 11th
century
Fix the agreement mistake
centuries
show examples
 in Central Asia. My own opinion is that in
this
 situation, the
government
 should invest
tax-payers
money
 to
essential
Add an article
the essential
an essential
show examples
 sector of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 army first degree, education second level,
healthcare
Correct word choice
and healthcare
show examples
 third degree must be in our homeland. I can say that if we
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the
money
 of
tax-payers
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 with high
honestly
Replace the word
honesty
show examples
, we will achieve very amazing results.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task achievement
The essay provides a discussion on both viewpoints; however, it would be beneficial to elaborate more on each perspective to strengthen the argument. Consider developing each point with more detail and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is connected smoothly with transition words. Currently, the essay jumps between ideas without clear transitions, which affects the flow of the essay.
language
Pay attention to the use of English grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical inaccuracies or awkward phrasing.
introduction
The introduction clearly lays out what the essay will discuss, setting the stage for the reader.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide examples which is good for supporting your points.
conclusion
The conclusion provides your personal opinion, wrapping up the essay effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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