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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #student #improvements
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In modern society, it is often argued that youths tend to prefer majors
according to
 their own preferences,
while
 others think that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should prioritize upcoming times. Personally, I strongly agree with the first statement that juveniles should probably be focused
to get
Change preposition
on getting
show examples
 a dream job that would complete all their personal needs. On one hand, the variations of work are capable of making the job easier and more enjoyable for the individual to accomplish goals in a career.These days,
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 determine what they want to do for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
 and spend enough time
on
Change preposition
apply
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thinking about their lifestyle.
Furthermore
, society in today's world has become more flexible in ways which could
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 its purposes and its aims.There are several reasons for
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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. Freedom is a fundamental principle of human rights and
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 choose whatever they want. The main thing
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 almost no young
people
 from youths would judge anyone's decision.
On the other hand
,
parents
 often worry that if young
people
 focus only on their personal preferences, they might make choices that are not practical. They think some majors may not lead to good jobs in the future.
For example
,
parents
 often suggest studying fields like engineering, medicine, or technology because these jobs are seen as more stable and well-paying.
Parents
 want their children to have secure futures, even if it means choosing something they don’t enjoy as much. In conclusion,
while
 it’s understandable that
parents
 want their children to choose stable careers, it’s important to let them make their own choices. Supporting young
people
 in following their interests helps them succeed and creates a more creative and happy society.
Submitted by nana_skylife on

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task achievement
To enhance the task response, include more specific examples to illustrate the points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
Some ideas could be clearer. Try breaking down complex ideas into simpler parts, ensuring each point is communicated effectively.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using various linking words and phrases to guide readers through your arguments more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion neatly.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument before concluding with your own opinion, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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