Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?

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In
this
contemporary society, it is often observed that a lot of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
the hobby of shopping in their free time.
This
trend is because of
advancement
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advancements
show examples
in technology, influences from others and the growth in people's
encome
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income
incomes
.
However
, it is mandatory that youth should develop their interests in other activities
such
as learning a new skill
,
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apply
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and playing
physicial
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physical
demaning
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demanding
games. To commence with, youth nowadays tend to spend
sufficient
Add an article
a sufficient
show examples
amount of time doing shopping. There are various reasons which can be blamed
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
trend. First of all, the use of technology
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
is
boomind
Correct your spelling
booming
day by day.
Due to
this
youth get attracted by the new products and
Submitted by amandeepkour02301 on

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task achievement
Expand on the reasons you mentioned for why shopping has become a popular pastime, such as technological advancements, peer influence, or increased income. Provide more details or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion on whether young people should be encouraged to pursue other hobbies.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using repetitive phrases like 'nowadays' multiple times to ensure smoother flow and clarity.
task achievement
Try to further develop your arguments by providing examples or scenarios that illustrate your points.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and gives an overview of why shopping is a popular pastime among young people.
task achievement
Your mention of 'advancement in technology' and 'growth in income' are strong points that reflect current societal trends.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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