it is imprtant for every one iculudimg young people to save money for thier future / do you agree or not

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Saving money is a crucial skill for everyone, especially for the younger generation, as it ensures a stable future. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
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mindset. One of the key benefits of saving money is that it allows individuals to pursue their goals and dreams without the constant worry of financial constraints. When young people learn to manage their finances, they become more resilient in facing challenges that could hinder their personal and professional growth.
Additionally
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, having savings can boost their confidence, as they know they have the means to participate in various activities that enhance their skills and experiences.
This
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skill can significantly enhance financial awareness from a young age. By understanding the importance of money, children learn how to prioritize their spending on more valuable items and avoid unnecessary purchases, ultimately becoming more conscientious consumers.
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, it teaches them how to be independent individuals, capable of making informed financial decisions that support their goals and aspirations. In conclusion,
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some people argue that parents are responsible for covering all their
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
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expenses during childhood, I completely reject
this
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idea. Teaching children financial responsibility is essential, as it helps them develop valuable skills that foster independence and self-sufficiency in adulthood.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task achievement
Expand on examples, perhaps by illustrating real-life scenarios where young people benefit from saving, to fully support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more varied sentence structure to enhance the essay's flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., "iculudimg" should be "including" and "thier" should be "their").
task achievement
Strong introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Good use of examples explaining the benefits of financial awareness and independence in young people.
coherence cohesion
Logical transitions between paragraphs, making it easy to follow the argument.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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