IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
firstly
Linking Words
,I strongly support that
children
Use synonyms
 should organize their own free
time
Use synonyms
,which can truly help them develop independence.
However
Linking Words
,sometimes parents
also
Linking Words
 need to provide some assistance I think
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 should have their own organization and arrangement to choose to engage in extracurricular activities during their free
time
Use synonyms
.Because
cildren
Correct your spelling
children
 themselves are better able to understand
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 interests and skills they want to cultivate,they can truly arrange their
time
Use synonyms
happpily
Correct your spelling
happily
according to
Linking Words
 their own needs.
In addition
Linking Words
,by allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to
plan
Use synonyms
 their own free
time
Use synonyms
,their skills in independently arranging learning
ang
Correct your spelling
and
 tasks can be improved,allowing them to
plan
Use synonyms
 their vacations and lives reasonably.Everyone should learn to
plan
Use synonyms
 their
time
Use synonyms
 and complete the tasks they need,balancing learning with hobbies and entertainment.
This
Linking Words
 is something that every child must
learnas
Correct your spelling
learn as
learn
 they grow up. But
on the other hand
Linking Words
,I believe that fully autonomous planning of personal free
time
Use synonyms
 should be suitable for
children
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10 years old who are relatively
self disciplined
Add a hyphen
self-disciplined
show examples
 in their daily lives.Because younger
children
Use synonyms
 have not yet formed a system and consciousness for
time
Use synonyms
 planning and control,their brains have not fully
developedthis
Correct your spelling
developed this
developed his
abililty
Correct your spelling
ability
.
However
Linking Words
,some
children
Use synonyms
 who
lack
Use synonyms
 self-discipline or have ADHD or other
charactreistics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
 that lead to
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of concentration need to
plan
Use synonyms
 their
time
Use synonyms
 with external assistance in order to arrange their schedule. Especially for
children
Use synonyms
 who
lack
Use synonyms
 self-control,their
time
Use synonyms
 is likely to
be wastes
Change the verb form
be wasted
show examples
 in vain. In childhood,
havingparents
Correct your spelling
having parents
 as
time
Use synonyms
 planners can help them understand how to use their spare
time
Use synonyms
 more effectively and improve efficiency.
Finally
Linking Words
,I believe that the main
bodyin plannig
Correct your spelling
body planning
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 should be the
children
Use synonyms
thenselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
,but when they
lack
Use synonyms
 a sense of
time
Use synonyms
 or planning awareness,having parents assist in
lanning
Correct your spelling
planning
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for
time
Use synonyms
 utilization.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Consider expanding on the introduction and conclusion to provide a more complete overview and summary of your essay.
relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable.
logical structure
Improve sentence structure and paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas within the essay.
complete response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, showing a balanced perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are mostly clear and address the task, showing an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: