Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development

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In the 21st century, advanced gadgets like the internet,

laptop

Fix the agreement mistake

laptops

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or phones are used commonly to transfer

money

Use synonyms

for families, friends and businesses even though they are remote places.

Although

Linking Words

there are several significant

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

positive points to prove

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, I think that demerits can outweigh merits. Admittedly, there are available vary range of developed technologies everywhere around the world, making possibilities

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people

Change preposition

for people

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who come from all parts of the earth to carry out their issues easily.

Thus

Linking Words

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

transferring cash via smartphones or the internet brings chances to exchange

money

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without any waiting,

queues

Correct word choice

or queues

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. When humans

need

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need to

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receive

money

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, they have to wait for several days and struggle with any difficulties to reach it,

for example

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. At that

time

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such

Linking Words

apps, Venmo and Western Union which are well-known among

people

Use synonyms

nowadays are indeed to address

this

Linking Words

problem.

Moreover

Linking Words

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Linking Words

this apps

Change the determiner

this app

these apps

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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able to transfer cash immediately does not spark any issues related to documents and saves

time

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. Does it not only bring benefits to tackle transferring but

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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also

Linking Words

helps to get out of the stress and

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time saving

Add a hyphen

time-saving

show examples

Change the punctuation

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Having said that, despite

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

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numerous advantages for the quality of transferring, I consider that

this

Linking Words

phenomenon includes more drawbacks rather than benefits. Many are engaged in using in national way of receiving

money

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is done through banks as they are as

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

reliable as online ones and

safety

Replace the word

safe

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. It

known

Add the auxiliary verb

is known

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that, today we can come across some

people

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who were victims of computer hackers and shorn of their property.

Although

Linking Words

there

Add a missing verb

were

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a lot of actions to bring back

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money

Add an article

the money

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, they worked inefficiently over

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

time

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, for elderly

people

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or humans who

have

Add a missing verb

do have

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not

opportunity

Correct article usage

the opportunity

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to use modern gadgets,

this

Linking Words

method seems awkward and not suitable.

For instance

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, individuals living

remote

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in remote

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places can suffer from low networking and

definitely

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definitely,

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they can not asses online apps that serve to transfer. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

transferring

money

Use synonyms

to relatives,

friends

Correct word choice

and friends

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via telephones or the network is common and is considered as

Change the article

show examples

effective way, I do believe that there are sufficient drawbacks that we should not ignore.

Submitted by Writing9 on Fri Nov 29 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that all points are comprehensively developed and supported with relevant examples. For instance, more specific details or statistics related to the popularity or usage of online money transfers can enhance your arguments.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, consider working on linking your ideas more naturally with transition words and vary your sentence structures for better flow. It is important to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

introduction conclusion present

The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.

task achievement

You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

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Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

People today are more concerned with owing material possession than with developing friendships and family relationship. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people think that universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: give details of the job explain why it is important to you suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference

SOME PEOPLE THINK THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD PAY FOR HEALTH CARE AND EDUCATION, BUT OTHERS BELIEVE IT IS NOT THE GOVERNMENT’S RESPONSIBILITY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.