IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason. Is it a good or bad idea.

#people #copy #personalities #tv #newspaper #reason #idea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided bar graph depicts the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
families
Use synonyms
 in the United States categorized by their yearly salary for the
years
Use synonyms
 2007, 2011, and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
households
Use synonyms
 with less than 25000
dollars
Use synonyms
 has an initial upward
trend
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
families
Use synonyms
 with 25000 to 49999
dollars
Use synonyms
 have the same
trend
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
households
Use synonyms
 with 50000-74000
dollars
Use synonyms
 are stable in the time frame.
However
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 with 75000-99999
dollars
Use synonyms
 have a fluctuating trajectory. The category with 100.000
dollars
Use synonyms
 or more
also
Linking Words
 fluctuated in the same time span.
Families
Use synonyms
 with income less than 25000
dollars
Use synonyms
 were 25
million
Use synonyms
 in 2007, and
then
Linking Words
 it increased to nearly 28 in 2011, followed by a downward
trend
Use synonyms
 to reach roughly 26
million
Use synonyms
. It takes
place
Use synonyms
 third in population in
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2007 and 2015, and it takes the second
place
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Households
Use synonyms
 with salaries of 25000–49999
dollars
Use synonyms
 were 28
million
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
subsequently
Linking Words
, it has an upward
trend
Use synonyms
 to reach 30
million
Use synonyms
 in 2011; after that, it has a downhill trajectory to reach 29 in 2015. It takes
place
Use synonyms
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second in population
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2007 and 2015, and it
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 first in 2011.
Families
Use synonyms
 with a yearly income of 50,000-74999
dollars
Use synonyms
 were about 20
million
Use synonyms
 in 2007, and it had a steady state in 2011 and 2015. It takes
place
Use synonyms
 as the fourth
place
Use synonyms
 for all
years
Use synonyms
.
Households
Use synonyms
 that earn between 75000-99999
dollars
Use synonyms
 were below 20
million
Use synonyms
 in 2007 and flowed by an increase in 2011;
consequently
Linking Words
, it has an upward
trend
Use synonyms
 to reach 20
million
Use synonyms
 in 2015. It
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
fifth
Add an article
a fifth
the fifth
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 for all
years
Use synonyms
.
Families
Use synonyms
 that earn 100,000
dollars
Use synonyms
 or more are approximately 30
million
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 have a downward
trend
Use synonyms
 to reach 27 in 2011, followed by a rise to
reach
Verb problem
apply
show examples
34 in 2015. It
takes
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 first
place
Use synonyms
 in 2007 and 2015, and in 2011, it
takes
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 third
place
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the overall trend or key observation noted in the graph data.
logical structure
Ensure more clarity and flow in the analysis of the data to enhance understanding.
complete response
The description of trends in the various income brackets is detailed and informative.
logical structure
The logical flow of information from 2007 to 2015 allows for easy understanding of the changes over the years.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: