Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both aspects give Your Own opinion

Some
people
believe that it is essential to join
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
for staying
Change preposition
to stay
show examples
physically fit.
while
others claim that daily physical activities are enough to stay healthy.
People
with former
opinion
says, as nowadays the
job
nature
of most of the
people
have changed and they spend most of their time on computers, so for
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
it is beneficial for them to join
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
. The latter
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
in urban
areas
are way more physically fit
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
people
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
, despite being deprived of
such
health clubs. I will explain both views with examples and I will give my
opinion
as well. The foremost reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the former
opinion
is that, as the world is changing
day
by
day
and
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of the work is dependent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital screens, so majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees spend more than 12 hours per
day
, sitting in front of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers, which
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
physical activities and they start gaining weight and become obese because of their
job
nature
, so it is extremely important for
such
individuals to join a
gym
, for staying healthy and disease free. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
, my uncle, joined a multinational company, he used to spend more than 13 hours per
day
on screen, based on his
job
nature
and after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
months, he started gaining weight and developed heart disease
due to
obesity. The latter ones,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
that doing regular daily walking and climbing stairs is more than enough for staying healthy, as the
people
in the urban
areas
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the farms and they are still
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier than
people
staying
Verb problem
living
show examples
in rural
areas
, despite being deprived of the
gym
facilities.
For instance
, a study was conducted in a village in Pakistan, in which
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
compared
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
of diabetes in them, researchers were surprised to see the results, only 5% of the villagers, showed
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
show examples
towards diabetes mellitus,
while
the rest of the public were healthy. They claim that
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their daily simple routine of walking miles, has kept them
disease free
Add a hyphen
disease-free
show examples
.
To conclude
, it is significant for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to join any sports or activities based on their
job
nature
, as we work in stressful conditions and
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
more time sitting, which increases our chance of
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
prone to certain health conditions. In my
opinion
, joining dance classes or lifting weights is beneficial and should be encouraged by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers, as health is wealth.
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language
Consider addressing grammar and punctuation errors to enhance readability, such as proper capitalizations and contractions.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced presentation of both views with equal depth and exploration to maintain neutrality.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support both viewpoints, enhancing the argument's credibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states both perspectives, and the conclusion summarizes the writer's opinion logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
What to do next:
Look at other essays: