Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both aspects give Your Own opinion
Some
people
believe that it is essential to join gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
for staying
physically fit. Change preposition
to stay
while
others claim that daily physical activities are enough to stay healthy. People
with former opinion
says, as nowadays the job
nature
of most of the people
have changed and they spend most of their time on computers, so for them
it is beneficial for them to join Add a comma
them,
gym
. The latter Add an article
a gym
the gym
ones
argue thatCorrect pronoun usage
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
people
in urban areas
are way more physically fit then
Replace the word
than
people
in the
rural Correct article usage
apply
areas
, despite being deprived of such
health clubs. I will explain both views with examples and I will give my opinion
as well.
The foremost reason of
the former Change preposition
for
opinion
is that, as the world is changing day
by day
and our
most of the work is dependent on Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
digital screens, so majority of Correct article usage
apply
the
employees spend more than 12 hours per Correct article usage
apply
day
, sitting in front of the
computers, which Correct article usage
apply
lacks
physical activities and they start gaining weight and become obese because of their Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
job
nature
, so it is extremely important for such
individuals to join a gym
, for staying healthy and disease free.
To illustrates
, my uncle, joined a multinational company, he used to spend more than 13 hours per Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
day
on screen, based on his job
nature
and after few
months, he started gaining weight and developed heart disease Correct article usage
a few
due to
obesity.
The latter ones, on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
claims
that doing regular daily walking and climbing stairs is more than enough for staying healthy, as the Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
people
in the urban areas
works
Change the verb form
work
in
the farms and they are still Change preposition
on
more
healthier than Change the word
apply
people
staying
in rural Verb problem
living
areas
, despite being deprived of the gym
facilities. For instance
, a study was conducted in a village in Pakistan, in which scientist
compared Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
ratio
of diabetes in them, researchers were surprised to see the results, only 5% of the villagers, showed Correct article usage
the ratio
tendency
towards diabetes mellitus, Add an article
a tendency
while
the rest of the public were healthy. They claim that due to
their daily simple routine of walking miles, has kept them Change preposition
apply
disease free
.
Add a hyphen
disease-free
To conclude
, it is significant for the
individuals to join any sports or activities based on their Correct article usage
apply
job
nature
, as we work in stressful conditions and spends
more time sitting, which increases our chance of Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
getting
prone to certain health conditions. In my Verb problem
becoming
opinion
, joining dance classes or lifting weights is beneficial and should be encouraged by the
employers, as health is wealth.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on
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Language
Consider addressing grammar and punctuation errors to enhance readability, such as proper capitalizations and contractions.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced presentation of both views with equal depth and exploration to maintain neutrality.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support both viewpoints, enhancing the argument's credibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states both perspectives, and the conclusion summarizes the writer's opinion logically.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.