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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries nowadays consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Save time, healthy, approved in standard Fast, -gender- mommy’s time Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development #time #-gender- #mommy’s
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These days in many countries consumers can go to supermarkets and buy meals produced
in
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the
world
. I firmly believe that
this
 development of the
food
 production industry has many advantages in
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 daily life. Starting from saving time, to eating healthy
food
 standardized by experts.
Primary
Add an article
The primary
show examples
 reason is that you have all the
food
 choices around the
world
 without visiting other countries.
For instance
, you can find all Korean
ramens
Fix the agreement mistake
ramen
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and seasonings in supermarkets. You can taste Korean
food
 in your home. In Mongolia, there is no sea, so I had not tasted shrimp until I bought it from the market. So It’s very convenient for local people to have a new taste from all over the
world
.
Furthermore
, many countries approve products only standardized by
organization
Add an article
the organization
show examples
.
This
 means we do not need to worry about the safety of the ingredients,
such
 as where the origin is. Another benefit is that on the boxes, there are names of information about the nutrients that the product contains.
For example
, you can take vitamins from avocado, which you cannot grow in
mongolia
Change the capitalization
Mongolia
show examples
. So it’s very beneficial for all ages that
need
Verb problem
have
show examples
 health problems. In conclusion, having alternative choices of
food
 can provide all nutrients for the body. There are many unique meals from all around the
world
 that we can eat just by shopping nearby. You do not have to worry about
food
 safety thanks to legal conditions.
Submitted by Ariunaa on

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the transitions between paragraphs for better flow and connectivity. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to expand on the health benefits and safety standards explanation for a more comprehensive detail. Providing more examples or data could strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the tone and outlines the main idea of your essay. Similarly, your conclusion neatly wraps up your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples such as the availability of shrimp in Mongolia and Korean food products, which help support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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