IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph gives information about changes in birth and death rate in New Zealand between 1901 2101" paraphrase this

the graph gives information about changes in birth and death rate in New Zealand between 1901 2101" paraphrase this
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The line graph illustrates the fluctuation in
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101.
Overall
Linking Words
, New Zealand witnessed an upward trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
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 and
death
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 until the 2 units
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to separate in 2041 when
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
will decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
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rate
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the opposite.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, after a steady growth for 40 years, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
birth
Use synonyms
 rose significantly and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak of over 60 in 1961.
This
Linking Words
 fluctuated from 1961 to
under
Change preposition
apply
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2001 and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 from 2001 onward. 2024 will see an identical
rate
Use synonyms
 between
birth
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 and
death
Use synonyms
 rates before
birth
Use synonyms
 rates
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to decline over the following 6 decades. Meanwhile, standing at under 10 in 1901,
death
Use synonyms
 rates
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated
as well as
Linking Words
 rose gradually until 2001. It
then
Linking Words
 surged and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the same
rate
Use synonyms
 as births
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at approximately 50. After that, it reached its peak of 60 in 2061
then
Linking Words
 slightly drop in 2101.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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