IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning What are the causes .How to encourage young people to study ?

#people #school #attitudes #study
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Numerious
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Numerous
 graduated students leave
school
Use synonyms
 with hard feelings .There we will be analyzing
what’s
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the main cause of that issue which
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 that
Nowadys
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government spent
halve
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half
show examples
 a treasure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 boosting
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 system where all of them spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 subject science and
premises
Fix the agreement mistake
premise
show examples
 decorating
although
Linking Words
 if we
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 deeply
where
Change preposition
into where
show examples
 is problem roots
firstly
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 teachers
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
harrasments
Correct your spelling
harassments
harassment
of the
Use synonyms
childrents
Correct your spelling
children
children's
,within in walls of the
school
Use synonyms
 where
bulding
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building
bullying
 toxic relationship
beetwen
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between
 classmates where everyone just
hate
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hates
show examples
 themselves makes hard emotions and cause different
mentall
Correct your spelling
mental
 illnesses depression,social anxiety and suicidal thoughts which destroying mental well-being .That’s
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 problem why
Use synonyms
childrents
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 after
school
Use synonyms
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 exhausting and feel terrible .And
Correct your spelling
government
governments
govermet
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government
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 not
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
what
Change preposition
in what
show examples
 happened in
walls
Correct article usage
the walls
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 of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 places and cannot solve that problem without
solution
Add an article
a solution
show examples
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 for
involving
Wrong verb form
involve
show examples
 process learning
studemts
Correct your spelling
students
 we should
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first of all make a healthy
reliationship
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relationship
 between peers and
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 that we need
school
Use synonyms
 psychologists
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
 social intoxication and firing teachers who humalation
childrent
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children
 without no
hart
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heart
show examples
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
show examples
 we need to make parties where everyone can relax and
fell
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feel
show examples
 a little bit
pride
Change preposition
of pride
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 themselves because they are made
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
 themselves and I will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provide
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 environment
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 where peers after that events in their lives fell cheerful .
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 competition and science
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 where peers do teamwork cohesion .
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 physical activities and art classes can be therapy part for everyone where teachers and
Use synonyms
childrents
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 can draw and
stabiliazing
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stabilizing
mentall
Correct your spelling
mental
 health . In conclusion
for creating
Change preposition
to create
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
Correct your spelling
environment
environmet
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environment
 and prevening
harrasments
Correct your spelling
harassments
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
children
children's
Correct your spelling
children
childrents
Add a comma
childrents,
show examples
 we should pay
attention
Correct quantifier usage
more attention
show examples
 for more their well-being because
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 key
success
Change preposition
to success
show examples
 for deeply
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
learning
Add an article
the learning
a learning
show examples
 journey
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Consider using paragraphs to separate different points and ensure there is a logical flow from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your main ideas. Make sure each main point is explicitly stated and supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task by discussing the causes of negative attitudes toward education and suggesting ways to encourage learning.
task achievement
Your effort to provide solutions, such as involving psychologists and organizing collaborative events, shows critical thinking towards the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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