IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Task 2 Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports

#children #time #computer #games #sports
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Currently, many
children
Use synonyms
 spend their time to
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of doing
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 aspect
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their development. On the one hand,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
danger
Wrong verb form
are dangerous
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
's health.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 a lot, their eyes to be
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 light of
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 or
computer
Use synonyms
. Despite
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 might
Add a missing verb
be addict
show examples
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. One of the major drawbacks of it is that
children
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 can
obsession
Replace the word
become obsessed
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 criminal
games
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 rather than sports, they can improve their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 include
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
challenging
Change preposition
of challenging
show examples
games
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
think about how
overcome
Add the particle
to overcome
show examples
 the challenges. But always
this
Linking Words
 is not useful for
chiqib
Correct your spelling
chic
children
Use synonyms
. They do
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 every day, they can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be very healthy.
For example
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 run away in the morning,
this
Linking Words
 will be
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
's body members.
Children
Use synonyms
 play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 a lot, they can put their health at risk.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 will negative effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future. Taking everything into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consentration
Correct your spelling
consideration
,
children
Use synonyms
 should do
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. Because of the fact regardless
off
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are interesting, they have some drawbacks. Regardless
off
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 are boring for
children
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 always can be useful. Even doctors give
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 namely doing
excersices
Correct your spelling
exercises
 every day for sicknesses.
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coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by structuring your essay with clear paragraphs for each argument. Transition smoothly between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure task response by clearly stating your position and supporting it with well-explained reasons and examples.
task achievement
Elaborate on the reasons for your arguments so they are clear and comprehensive. Add examples where necessary to provide a deeper understanding.
task achievement
Your essay presents arguments for both sides, showing a good attempt at a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your opinions on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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