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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the location and the types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and the types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie
chart
Use synonyms
 provides information about the location of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 of young people, and the horizontal bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates information about the types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 of young people at present in a town in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are situated in private studios, and the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 are attending Ballet and Modern
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, 48% of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are situated in private studios. Meanwhile, 24% of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are
after school
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
, and they are situated in school halls. 18% of
classes
Use synonyms
 are situated in community halls and other areas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are 10% of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, which are situated in collage-based studios.
According to
Linking Words
 the horizontal bar
chart
Use synonyms
, 600
students
Use synonyms
, who are under 11 and only 300
students
Use synonyms
 who are 11 to 16 years old attend Ballet
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, around 450
students
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 under 11, and 430
students
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11 to 16 attend Tap
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, only 300
students
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 under 11 attend Modern
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, and around 520
students
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11 to 16 attend modern
classes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, moreover".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, dance, classes, students, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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