IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that time spent on electronic games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #games #children #effects #child
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There is a debate
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 people about allowing child spend their time on
technology
 or rather
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricting
show examples
 access to it. There are
negatives
Change the noun form
negative
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 sides
of
Change preposition
to
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 the influence of game devices
as well as
 positive sides. In my opinion , it is important to give
children
 space to research and let them get to know new things. In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world , there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no doubt of how much trouble modern
technology
 like games and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 can
make
Verb problem
cause
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.Especially those who
in
Change preposition
apply
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the young age
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 easier to give in to temptation.
For example
 , the statistics in Berlin demonstrate how many young ones were getting addicted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 gaming and almost 78% of them belonged to that section.
As a result
 , more and more parents started to
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 without any
technology
 at all .
On the other hand
 , when a person from the youngest age
puzzle
Correct subject-verb agreement
puzzles
show examples
 out how
Correct article usage
the electronical
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electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 mechanism works , it
simplify
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simplifies
show examples
 their way of understanding challenging things.
For instance
 , there was an experiment in China between two groups of
children
 , one class
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 used to play games the whole week and others who
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 that time
on
Change preposition
apply
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reading and studying , after which they showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 to see how much time they
will spent
Wrong verb form
would spend
show examples
 on resolving.
Experiment
Add an article
The experiment
show examples
 showed that kids who were playing games , were not struggling with thinking , in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 they analyzed tasks faster than
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
. In conclusion , it is very hard to decide which solution
for
Add a missing verb
is for
show examples
children
 better. I honestly believe that
technology
 has more positive effects on
children
.
Submitted by salyarzayeva on

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task achievement
Try to further elaborate on how electronic games can have a positive impact on children's development with clear and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more consistently to ensure a smoother transition between ideas or sentences.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully developed in each paragraph to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion framing the debate about electronic games nicely.
task achievement
Balanced discussion offering perspectives for both sides of the argument on electronic games.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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