IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the shift in the percentage of market share among the three types. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the shift in the percentage of market share among the three types. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates prices for different ways of watching movies
while
Linking Words
 the pie
graph
Use synonyms
 portrays what options
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people choose.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent in the line
graph
Use synonyms
 that there are three options as to which the prices for the film are distributed, and the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
cinema
Correct article usage
a cinema
show examples
 ticket is the most significant one.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can be observed from the pie chart that in 2005 the most popular choice was renting a DVD
while
Linking Words
 in 2011 it was legal downloading. The line
graph
Use synonyms
 represents three options in the survey,with the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a cinema ticket representing the biggest one at 14 in 2011.
Legal
Add an article
The legal
show examples
 download is the second
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year, where payment is 9. The lowest cost is for
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
 - 8 units
while
Linking Words
 from 2006 to 2009 it was average in price. The pie chart shows that 59% of the people in 2005 rented a DVD.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 fact is quite explicable given that it had the lowest price
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year but
besides
Linking Words
 the same situation in
2011
Add a comma
2011,
show examples
 it became less popular.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Market share
  • Trend
  • Fluctuations
  • Stability
  • Increase/Decrease
  • Traditional theaters
  • Streaming services
  • Rentals
  • Consumer preferences
  • Technological advancements
  • Economic factors
  • Anomalies
  • Correlate
  • Specified time period
  • Significant increase
  • Highlight
  • Analyze
  • Shift
  • Feature
What to do next:
Look at other essays: