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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and pie charts below show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The table and pie charts below show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #research #students #australian #universities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table represents how many
research
Use synonyms
students
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from
Add a missing verb
are from
show examples
 national and international, and the pie depicts the percentage of both national and international
students
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 based on gender. The survey was conducted in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, native
research
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students
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 accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 majority of the population in both years
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they were men or women. In 2010, the total number of
research
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students
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 increased
for
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to
show examples
 54,081
people
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 compared to 38,849
people
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 in 2001.
This
Linking Words
 increase
also
Linking Words
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in Australian researchers and international researchers who study in Australia, from 33,657
people
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 and 5,192
people
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 in 2001, raising to 39,488
people
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 and 14,593
people
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, respectively.
Although
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 they were from
this
Linking Words
 country
made
Correct word choice
and made
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 up more than half of the majority, their increase
Add a missing verb
was slight
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slight
Change the word
slightly
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 insignificant rather
than
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to
show examples
 overseas
students
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, reaching more than a two-fold population.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in-country
research
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 scholars in both genders experienced a decline, recording 44% to 38% for
male
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males
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 and 43% to 35 for
female
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females
show examples
.
In contrast
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, non-local women scholars skyrocketed over
a
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apply
show examples
three-fold, from 4% to 15%.
Although
Linking Words
 non-local male
students
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 not
climbed
Wrong verb form
climb
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 substantially like non-local
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, it still exhibited
Correct article usage
a rose
show examples
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 3% higher
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nineband9s on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words research, students, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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